I'll never let you go!
by SumCoop
Summary: This story is about what should have happened in the season finale and with that I mean that Marissa doesn't die! The story will continue! Lots of RM and also some SS and the rest of the characters! R&R! HIATUS!
1. I'll never let you go

**The way I think it should have gone! I was so pissed they killed Marissa although I'll keep hoping she's not dead. I decided to write this because it is my way of staying hopeful! Enjoy!**

I'll never let you go.

Marissa lay in Ryan's arms she was so weak, but she needed to fight. 'It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay' said Ryan while some tears were streaming down his face. He couldn't loose the love of his life knowing he had spend to much time fighting with her when he really wanted to hold her. This couldn't be the end. 'Ry…Ryan' Marissa said in her weak voice. 'Shhh…it's okay it's gonna be okay' Ryan said now more tears were streaming down his face. 'No…wait…I need…you to know…that…I love you…and I'm so sorry for everything' Marissa said tears also streaming down her face. 'Marissa everything will be fine, just don't give up please, please, please I love you and I can't live without you.' Marissa was trying to stay focused she was trying to keep her eyes open she was trying not to give up, but why was it so hard.

_Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while_

_Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies_

_Hoping for the best but expecting the worst_

_Are you going to drop the bomb or not?_

_Let us die young or let us live forever_

_We don't have the power but we never say never_

_Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip_

_The music's for the sad men_

A car stopped in front of them and a person was rushing herself towards them, but Marissa didn't notice her she only saw Ryan and she only heard their song, it was playing on the radio from the car that had just stopped, she slightly smiled to herself remembering the time they picked it out and danced together. Her smile soon faded when she thought about not being with him anymore the love of her life why had she been so stupid, if she'd never met Oliver, then Ryan wouldn't have gone back to Theresa, then they would have never broke up and if she could take back the Johnny thing she would do that too. But now it was probably too late she would probably be dead soon she felt it in her body it felt numb the only thing keeping her from giving up was the look on his face, it was filled with angriness, sadness, hope, but most importantly it was filled with love. 'Sir I'm a nurse we need to get you two to the hospital, I'm on my way to work but I need to call an ambulance first' the nurse said.

'They're on their way, I need to check your girlfriend' the nurse said. She was going to Marissa and tried to pull her away from Ryan, but Marissa held Ryan's hand and his shirt even tighter. 'No…no…Ryan stay' Marissa said tears still streaming down her face. 'I'm right here' Ryan said trying to comfort her.

_Can you imagine when this race is won?_

_Turn our golden faces into the sun_

_Praising our leaders we're getting in tune_

_The music's played by the madmen_

_Forever young, i want to be forever young_

_Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever?_

_Some are like water, some are like the heat_

_Some are a melody and some are the beat_

_Sooner or later they all will be gone_

_Why don't they stay young?_

'Ryan do you recognize this song?' Marissa asked with a little smile on her face, but tears were still streaming down her face. 'Of course I do' Ryan said. 'Good…I love you remember that.' And with that she closed her eyes. 'No…Marissa…Nooooooooooo! Please don't leave me! I'm not letting you go Marissaaaaaaaaaa!' Ryan screamed more tears were streaming down his face. 'Sir I really need you to let go of her she's still breathing I can still save her.' The nurse was very busy with Marissa trying to wake her up she moaned sometimes and that was good that meant she was still alive. The ambulance came and took her in Ryan also went along with them they told him she was in a coma and that they didn't know if she was going to live. But Ryan smiled for some reason he thought to himself at least now there's still hope! He kissed her lips and then he sat back down and the only thing he could do was hoping and praying.

_It's so hard to get old without a cause_

_I don't want to perish like a fading horse_

_Youth is like diamonds in the sun_

_And diamonds are forever_

_So many adventures couldn't happen today_

_So many songs we forgot to play_

_So many dreams are swinging out of the blue_

_We let them come true_

**So this is how I think it really should have gone! Lot's off fluff I think we deserved that after three years of R/M I so hope Josh doesn't let her die I know in all the articles, previews, even on the fox site it says she dies but I won't believe it until I see it! I hope you're with me!**


	2. The Wake Up

Hey everyone at first I wanted to make this story just a one shot but you wanted me to continue so here it is if you like it I'll continue. Enjoy!

The Wake Up:

At the hospital:

Marissa woke up a little.

Marissa: Ryan…ryan?

Nurse: Miss Cooper you're awake, OMG this is a miracle.

Marissa: Where's Ryan is he okay?

Nurse: Is Ryan the blond boy?

Marissa: Yeah I guess that's him.

Nurse: Ooh he comes here every afternoon and reads a story for you, but I need to tell the Dr. that you're awake.

Marissa: What happened?

Nurse: I'm sorry Miss Cooper I should have told you, but I think that boy Ryan would like to tell you.

Marissa: Okay.

Later that afternoon: The dr. had checked Marissa out and she was doing surprisingly well. Ryan heard the news from the nurse he was so happy and ran up to Marissa's room. Marissa heard her door open up she looked up from a book that she was reading and a huge smile appeared on her face.

Marissa: Ryan!

Ryan: Marissa I'm so happy you're awake.

Marissa: I'm happy too, wow you look different what happened?

Ryan: Uhm do you remember the night we got in that car accident?

Marissa: Yeah I do.

Ryan: Well, after that you got into a coma.

Marissa: OMG how long have I been here?

Ryan: For five years.

Marissa: WHAT?

Ryan: I'm so sorry.

Marissa: I've missed five years of my life.

Ryan: Yeah I'm so sorry.

Marissa: How is everyone how are Summer and Seth?

Marissa had now tears streaming down her face Ryan sat down in a chair next to her and held her hand, he was so happy she was okay but he knew it was going to be hard to tell her everything, she wasn't going to take it well.

Ryan: They're great they got married last year and uhm Summer's pregnant.

Marissa had more tears streaming down her face.

Marissa: Summer got married. I missed my best friends wedding?

Ryan: I'm sorry.

Marissa: How are Sandy and Kirsten?

Ryan: They're really good.

Marissa: How are you?

Ryan: I'm good too I finished college and I work with Kirsten on the Newport after Seth and me going to college she wanted to work again so they renewed the Newport Group and now I work there. Sandy is a public defender again, so that's good as well.

Marissa: OMG I can't believe I missed so much how's my mom and Dr. Roberts and Kaitlin.

Ryan: Marissa Kaitlin had an overdose xtc, she died. I'm so sorry.

Marissa was shocked by this her little sister died?

Marissa: OMG how why?

Ryan: I'm so sorry.

Marissa: It's okay, so how's my mom?

Ryan: She's doing really good and so does Dr. Roberts.

Marissa: Ryan…

Ryan: Yeah.

Marissa: Why did you wait for 5 years?

Ryan: Because I told you that night I'd never let you go.

Marissa: Did you meet someone?

Ryan: Yeah I did.

Marissa: Really that's great for you how is she?

Ryan: Ooh she's the most beautiful girl I ever met and I'll ever meet, I want to spend my whole life with her. She's just amazing.

Marissa had again tears in her face but she blinked them away and cleared her throat.

Marissa: Wow you're really in love aren't you?

Ryan: Yeah I am and I've been in love with her since the first time I laid my eyes on her on that particular end of the Cohen's driveway.

Marissa didn't get it and looked away a little angry but most of all hurt.

Marissa: So what's her name?

Ryan: Marissa Cooper.

Marissa started to think and then just smiled.

Marissa: The end of the Cohen's driveway…I just got it!

They smiled and Ryan kissed her.

Okay I know that wasn't what you expected and if you hate it I'll stop, but if you don't I'll continue! Let me know! R&R


	3. Something's never change

**Here it goes!**

Chapter 3: Something's never change.

At Marissa's hospital room:

Marissa was sleeping again and Ryan had managed to call everyone. They were all so happy and were there within minutes. Julie came in first crying and Ryan hugged her.

Julie: How is she? How did she take the news? Does she remember what happened?

Ryan: She is doing great actually and yes she remembers the night, she also took everything better then expected.

Julie: Thank god.

Marissa wakes up by the sound of her mothers' voice she opens her eyes only to see her mom standing in front of Ryan and crying onto Neil's shoulder.

Marissa: Mom…

Julie: OMG sweetie... OMG… I love you so much don't ever leave me again do you understand me young lady.

Marissa: Well actually I'm not that young anymore apparently I'm 23 years old if I'm not mistaken.

Marissa had tears running down her face again and so did Julie, Neil hold on to Julie even tighter and Ryan hold Marissa's hand.

Julie: I'm so sorry sweetie, but you know it's gonna be okay. I'm so happy I didn't loose you, you know you're a miracle after everyone had given up on you except Ryan of course you proved us all wrong.

Marissa: What do you mean gave up on me?

Julie: Sweetie they were going to let you go tomorrow.

Marissa: OMG…

Ryan: Thankfully everything is okay now.

Marissa: Yeah I guess.

On the hallway there was a person screaming to a nurse and everyone in Marissa's room laughed, because they all knew who it was.

Summer: Listen up nurseskank just because you work here doesn't mean you can tell me, whether or not to see my best friend who has been in a coma for five years so unless you want to end up like she almost did I suggest you move and let me see her got it? Good!

Nurse: Okay I'm sorry for upsetting you.

Summer: Oh you should be.

Summer said whilst walking to her best friend's hospital room.

Seth: I'm sorry she suffers from rage blackouts.

Nurse: It's okay.

Summer: Cohen move!

Seth: I'm coming Summer my dear.

Summer: COOP!

Marissa: Hey Sum!

Summer: I'm so happy you're okay.

Seth: Yeah me too. At least now I have my brother back you should've seen him he's wreck without you.

Marissa: Hey Seth!

Ryan: Thanks buddy.

Everyone was filling Marissa in on everything they were talking laughing and sometimes some tears even escaped. Sandy and Kirsten were there as well. Their laughter was interrupted by Marissa's doctor. Dr. Logan.

Dr. Logan: Hello everyone I'm happy you're all here but Marissa needs to get better to come home, we need to start working on your rehabilitation.

Marissa: Uhm what does that mean exactly?

Dr. Logan: Well, Marissa you've been in a coma for so long that your muscles don't work anymore, so we need to let them work again. And for that you need a lot of exercise, and physiotherapy. One person can help you through all of this, or more but one at a time.

Marissa: Okay so I need to go right now?

Dr. Logan: Yeah you do, so if one of you wants to help her naturally I thought of Ryan?

Julie: Yeah Ryan you should go.

Ryan: You sure?

Julie: Yeah.

Marissa: I also want you to help me.

Everyone left after that, except of course the doctor and Ryan.

Dr. Logan: So I'll be in the hospital's gym with your personal physiotherapist Marissa.

Marissa: Okay.

Ryan just went to the toilet, and Marissa tried to reach her wheelchair, she knew she couldn't reach it so she tried to get out of bed but when she tried she almost fell; luckily Ryan was just in time to catch her.

Ryan: You shouldn't do that you know.

Marissa: I know I just don't want to be desperate.

Ryan: You're not trust me.

Ryan lifted Marissa and put her down in her wheelchair; he walked off and was standing in front of he elevator. They were in side the elevator. When Marissa grabbed Ryan's hand and he moved so he was in front of her.

Marissa: Ryan I'm scared.

Ryan: You don't have to be.

Marissa: But what if I'll never be able to walk again.

Ryan: That isn't going to happen.

Marissa: But what if it is.

Ryan: It won't change anything.

Marissa nodded and felt safe again, she knew Ryan always knew the right thing to say at the right time she laughed even more when she felt his lips on her hers. She opened her mouth to let their tongues linger in each others mouths. She felt happy and safe and of course loved by Ryan and now was the perfect time to say so.

Marissa: Ryan?

Ryan: Yeah…

Marissa: I love you.

Ryan: Marissa?

Marissa: Yeah…

Ryan: I love you.

Marissa laughed and they got out of the elevator something's really never do change.

**Hope you liked it please comment! Okay so uhm I don't really know anything about patients that have been in a coma for 5 years and I also don't know anything about physiotherapy so if any of the next chapters don't really seem logic then sorry! But please do review! xoxo Noor **


	4. All by myself

**Thank you so much for you reviews you guys I really appreciate them, here is the next part! Enjoy and please review!**

Chapter 4: Trying to stand.

Ryan and Marissa were walking down the hall of the hospital, well Ryan was walking and pushing Marissa's wheelchair. They were going to the hospital gym. When they got there it wasn't what they had expected, there was a swimming pool and much more. Marissa needed to go into a private room because the physiotherapist would help her there.   
Physiotherapist: Hi Marissa my name is Jack I'll be helping you for the next few months.  
Marissa: Months?  
Marissa asked in disbelief she couldn't belief she had to stay her for another few months after she'd spent five years of her life there.   
Jack: I'm sorry Marissa I hope you'll be done sooner but you've been in a coma for five years I don't have a lot of patients that wake up after five years it is still pretty amazing that you can use your arms, that you can sit, that you can turn your head. Now we only need to let you walk again and let your arms adjust to weight.  
Marissa: What if I'll never be able to walk again.  
Jack: Then we'll just have to work harder now don't we, because I'm not letting you go until I see you run out of this hospital. So, I see you brought a friend.  
Ryan: Ooh yeah sorry I'm Ryan I'm Marissa's… I'm…  
Marissa: Ryan is my boyfriend and after five years he's still not that good with words.  
Ryan: Yeah words never really were my thing.  
Jack: Okay well it's nice to meet you, and I expect all the help and support from you.  
Ryan: Yeah of course.  
Jack: Good now I guess we can start, Marissa do you have any gym clothes to wear?  
Marissa: Uhm no not really.  
Jack: Ryan, do you?  
Ryan: Uhm no I didn't know I had to wear gym clothes to help Marissa and we also kind of found out today so…  
Jack: Well both of you need gym clothes because you're going to train each other, I know Dr. Stevens told you other people could come to but I'd prefer one person. Then I don't have to explain everything every time.  
Marissa: Well, then I want Ryan as my personal trainer.  
Jack: Good now let's begin with something that doesn't involve a lot of sweat.  
Jack went to grab a chair and put it in front of Marissa. He got confused looks from Ryan and Marissa and he laughed slightly.  
Jack: Okay Marissa I need you to try to lift yourself up and grab the chair so you can stand.  
Marissa: But I don't think I can.  
Jack: Well you haven't tried so we don't really know.  
Ryan: Okay and what am I supposed to do?  
Jack: Well now you do nothing if something goes wrong you catch just stand behind her.  
Ryan: Okay.  
Marissa tried to grab the chair it took a lot of energy to only grab the chair. What would it do to her to try to stand up? She struggled a lot when she tried to move herself, it was very hard for her to try and stand up she had tears that were forming in her eyes. She couldn't stand Jack who just stood there and didn't help her and Ryan why wasn't he helping her. Marissa felt the pain go through her body it was like the night the car flipped over so many times, but she couldn't give up she couldn't just let everyone down just because she was to weak. Ryan watched her and his heart shuttered at this sight she was struggling so hard not to fall back in the wheelchair she was struggling so hard to just stand.  
Marissa: Help me goddamn it! I can't do this anymore.  
Jack: Sure you can Marissa you can do this come on.  
Ryan couldn't see this anymore he just wanted to lift her and stand close behind her so she could lean on him, he moved closer to her to help her.  
Jack: Ryan don't! She needs to do this by herself.  
Ryan: But I can't just…  
Jack: Ryan no, Marissa come on you can do this.  
Marissa: No I can't it's too hard.  
Jack: I know it's hard but you have the power to hold yourself up.   
Marissa was now crying she managed to get herself up crying and screaming because the pain was unliveable, but she was standing now she did it all by herself. She was smiling but lost her grip and fell back wards. She almost hit the ground, but Ryan was faster and he scooped her in his arms just like that.  
Jack: Wow you're really fast.  
Ryan: Thanks anything for the love of my life.  
Jack: Are you okay Marissa?  
Marissa: Yeah I did it.  
Jack: Yes you did and I'm very proud of you.  
Ryan: Yeah me too.  
Marissa: Thank you, both of you.  
Jack: You're welcome I think we had enough practice for one day, I'll see you two tomorrow at 2.00 pm we'll be in here till 6.00 pm so be prepared. Ooh and Ryan could you maybe bring swim clothes.  
Ryan: Why?  
Jack: You'll see tomorrow. Bye.  
Marissa/ Ryan: Bye.  
Marissa: Ryan, thank you.  
Ryan: No problem.  
Ryan kisses Marissa on her head and with that they leave.

**I hope you liked it! R&R**


	5. Recovering

**Thanks for your reviews they mean a lot**!

Chapter 5: Recovering.

A month had gone by Marissa was still seeing her physiotherapist Jack, but she was resting at home she wasn't allowed to do a lot she was also recovering rather quickly she could almost walk on her own. She was waiting for Ryan to go to her physiotherapist. Everyone had been amazing while Marissa was recovering eventually and every time Ryan got back from work he would be there with Marissa. Marissa already saw Summer and Seth's house it was amazing. She also saw Ryan's house that was very beautiful too but then again why wouldn't it be Ryan was an architect. Summer was trying to build up her own fashion company that she eventually wanted to have with Marissa. And Seth was a lawyer (that was a surprise probably thought he was going to have his own comic book company right?) Marissa however was still living with Julie and Neil she stayed in one of the rooms downstairs, because there was no way she was going to walk all those stairs even if she wanted to. The doorbell rang and Marissa rolled herself over to the door to see her beautiful boyfriend Ryan.

Marissa: Hey sweetie.

Ryan: Hey babe.

Marissa: Wow you're so bad with nicknames! Luke always called me babe and I hated it then I hate it now.

Ryan: Well you already took sweetie.

Marissa: You can have sweetie I'll call you Chino.

Ryan: No you won't, wow those 5 years turned you into Summer.

Marissa: Okay what about Ry?

Ryan: That's better.

He gave her a kiss.

Ryan: Are you ready?

Marissa: Yeah I am do you have everything?

Ryan: Yes, although I don't know why I need to bring a short and you need to bring your bikini every time we don't even use it.

Marissa: Well I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Let's go.

A little later:

Jack: Ryan, Marissa there you are. Marissa how are you feeling did you do your homework?

Marissa: Yeah I did it was really hard.

Jack: Well that was to be expected. Uhm guys we really need to go, because the pool is free for an hour for us, so go change and I'll see you guys there in about 5 minutes.

Ryan: So we're finally going into the pool.

Jack: Yes you are.

Marissa: Okay well I'm going to get changed.

Jack: Marissa do you need any help because I could ask a nurse to...

Marissa: No I can do it, thanks though.

5 minutes later.

Jack: Okay you're quick both of you. Well uhm Marissa trying to swim is an excellent way to learn how to use your legs it is really hard but you can do it, you don't give up easily I've seen it.

Ryan: Okay and what am I supposed to do?

Jack: You need to hold her while she's swimming.

Ryan: Okay.

Marissa stood up from her chair and Ryan held her they went down the steps and were in the water, she was now lying in the water ready to swim Ryan stood in front of her holding her hands.

Ryan: Ready?

Marissa: Yeah.

Jack was telling Marissa what movements to make now and she was doing really good it was exhausting though you could see it on her face she was finally ready and Jack decided that she didn't need a wheelchair anymore instead of a wheelchair she got a crutch. Marissa was going to Seth and Summer for dinner that night with Ryan.

Ryan and Marissa were on their way to Summer and Seth's in Ryan's Range Rover that he got from Kirsten and Sandy.

Marissa: I'm so happy I don't have that stupid wheelchair anymore.

Ryan: Yeah I know but this is much harder.

Marissa: I know but at least I'm making progress.

They arrived at Summer and Seth's house and Summer didn't show anything of her pregnancy yet.

Summer: Coop you're walking OMG this is amazing.

Marissa: I know it is isn't it.

Seth: Yeah it is, and also great to see you.

Marissa: Great to see you too.

Summer: Well come in dinner is ready, where is Atwood?

Marissa: Oh Ryan is just parking the car.

Ryan: I'm here.

Seth: Well great to see yah bro.

Ryan: Yeah same here, hi Sum

Summer: Hey Atwood, now come on the food will get cold.

Everyone ate and it was one of the best nights in times, Ryan and Seth were now in the living room playing some ninja games and Summer and Marissa were in the kitchen making coffee. Well Summer was making coffee and Marissa just sat at the counter.

Summer: So how are you and Atwood?

Marissa: You know really great.

Summer: Really great or reallllllllllyy great?

Marissa: Reallllllllllllllllyy great.

Summer: That's good so uhm are you thinking of moving in with him?

Marissa: Yeah of course I've been thinking about it but I can't he didn't even ask me. I can't just assume he wants me to live with him.

To the living room.

Seth: So are you ever going to ask her if she wants to move in with you?

Ryan: I don't know man; I mean what if she doesn't want to move in with me.

Seth: Well you just have to ask her then now wouldn't you?

Ryan: Yeah I guess.

**So that was it I'll try to post more soon! Please R&R.**


	6. The Question

**Hey guys thanks for your posts I have the next chapter here for you so read and review and most importantly enjoy!**

The Question:

Ryan and Marissa were in Ryan's Range Rover, Ryan was supposed to drop Marissa off but he didn't want to do that just yet, he drove off to the beach.

Marissa: Hey where are we going?

Ryan: Well I thought you would like to see your old lifeguard stand.

Marissa: It's still there?

Ryan: Yeah it is.

Ryan and Marissa were about to walk through the stand when Marissa abruptly stopped.

Ryan: What's going on?

Marissa: Uhm I can't go through the sand with my crutch.

Ryan: Then I'll be your crutch.

Marissa grabbed Ryan's hand and he took her in a protective grip, he held her close so she could lean on him. They were walking to the lifeguard stand when she turned around and kissed him. He kissed her back it was a passionate kiss but still very sweet.

Ryan: Wow!

Marissa giggled and they walked to the lifeguard stand once more. They got there and looked at the sunset and the ocean. It was getting darker and Marissa was getting cold.

Ryan: Are you cold.

Marissa: No it's okay I think I should go home my mom is probably worrying.

Ryan: Okay.

Marissa: There we go back to mommy.

Ryan: Riss…

Marissa: Yeah…

Ryan: Why don't you come live with me?

Marissa: You want me to move in with you? Don't you think that's a little fast?

Ryan: I've been waiting to ask this for five years I don't think that's fast so I mean if that's what you want because it is what I want.

Marissa: I'd love to. You know I haven't seen it, your house.

Ryan: Well you could stay with me tonight and we could move your stuff tomorrow if you want.

Marissa: Yeah I would really, really love that.

Marissa had tears rolling down her cheek.

Ryan: I suspect that are tears of joy…yes.

Marissa laughed.

Marissa: Yes they are.

Ryan: Good now let's go home.

Marissa: Home…I like the sound of that.

Ryan: Me too.

Ryan's house:

Marissa: OMG! This is beautiful and it's huge.

Ryan: You like it?

Marissa: Yeah I like it!

Ryan: Good! So I'll give you a tour through our house!

Ryan said with a smile plastered on his face Marissa also smiled.

Marissa: I can't wait.

Ryan gave Marissa the tour and she was stunned his house was so beautiful it really felt like home secretly she could already see their kids running on the patio that was also beautiful it had a bench and a beautiful pool, you could also see the ocean it was just perfect the kitchen was big, and the living room was so relaxing the colours were beige and brown and he had a fire place with some cushions in front of it his bedroom was also the world it was just beautiful!

Marissa: Wow just wow!

Ryan: I guess you liked it?

Marissa: It's amazing you have such good taste.

Ryan: Well Kirsten helped me a lot but thanks.

Marissa: I need to call my mom before she starts wondering where I am.

Ryan: Okay do you want some tea or coffee maybe?

Marissa: Tea please.

Ryan: Okay and the phone is right there.

Ryan was about to walk away but before he did he gave her a long, deep, passionate kiss. Marissa giggled in the kiss. Ryan walked away and Marissa dialled her mother's number.

Julie: Hello?

Marissa: Hey mom it's me.

Julie: Oh hey sweetie I was starting to wonder where you are.

Marissa: Well if it's okay I want to spend the night at Ryan's.

Julie: Yeah sure I mean you're 23 so of course.

Marissa: Mom not just for tonight.

Julie: What do you mean?

Marissa: Well he asked me to move in with him and I already kind of said yes what do you think?

Julie: If it makes you happy then I am happy. I'll help you move in with him and pack up whenever you want.

Marissa: Thanks mom it means a lot.

Julie: Okay sweetie now I am off to bed Neil has something special planned for me.

Marissa: Oooh way too much information.

Julie laughed at her daughters comment.

Julie: Bye sweetie and say hi to Ryan for me.

Marissa: I will call you in the morning bye.

Marissa felt to arms around when she turned her head she smiled at him.

Ryan: I guess she was okay with it.

Marissa: Better then okay she says hi.

Ryan: She really changed over the years.

Marissa: Yeah tell me about it.

Ryan picked Marissa up and walked towards his bedroom.

Marissa: Ry what are you doing?

Ryan: I'm just carrying you to our bedroom.

Marissa smiled she loved the word our.

Ryan: What's so funny?

Marissa: Nothing.

Ryan reached his bedroom and lay Marissa down on his bed. He lay down on top of her and started kissing her. She kissed him back passionately; he kissed her neck making her moan goose bumps were forming on her body when he kissed her stomach.

Marissa: You know you said you were going to make some tea.

Ryan: I know but this is much better.

Marissa smiled and kissed him again he searched her whole body with his hands. Ryan didn't want to rush into things with her she hadn't had sex for five years and neither had he, it was hard most of the time but he couldn't move on knowing she was laying hopeless on that hospital bed besides she was the one he wanted to be with. She just was the ONE. Ryan got up and Marissa looked at him confused.

Marissa: Did I do something wrong?

Ryan: No of course not I was just about to get your tea.

Marissa: Okay but get back her soon.

Marissa said while smiling at him she saw him leave and thought to herself how she had become so lucky with him she knew he didn't want to do anything because he didn't want to pressure her, she knew it was not that he didn't want to she felt he wanted to he just didn't want to hurry her into things and that was why she loved him. He always thought about others. She smiled to herself at the thought of him and before she knew it she was fast asleep.

Ryan: Hey I have the tea do you want to watch a movie…ooh.

Ryan smiled at the sight of her she looked so sweet he took of her jeans to leave her with her panties and a shirt he pulled the sheets over her stirring body and lay down beside her he moved his arms around her body and held her tight. After a few minutes he fell asleep also.

**I know there was a lot of fluff but I hope you liked it. Please review!**


	7. Dinner

Hey guys here is the next chapter! I hope you'll like it and tell me what you think!

Enjoy!

Chapter 7: Dinner

Ryan and Marissa's house:

It had been one week and Marissa was walking without here crutch only when she was really tired she would use it. Marissa had moved all her stuff to Ryan's house.

And everything was going great between Ryan and Marissa they were very in love.

Ryan: Marissa we need to go!

Marissa: Yeah I'm almost ready!

Ryan and Marissa were going to Sandy and Kirsten for dinner Summer, Seth, Julie and Neil were going to be there as well. Marissa came downstairs looking magnificent. Ryan looked at her in awe and she smiled when she saw his face.

Marissa: And?

Ryan: Well it was defiantly worth the wait.

Marissa giggled and then kissed him, she thought it was going to be a quick kiss but he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss it became more passionate and more heated. Marissa felt her heart in her throat; she was amazed that he still could give her that feeling. Ryan's spine went up and down and he was also amazed that Marissa had that affect on him still, truthfully he just wanted to rip her clothes of but he knew he couldn't not only would they be late but they also hadn't done in over 5 years. He didn't know if she would want it, maybe it was too early. He pulled away while he was still able to control himself.

Ryan: Come on we're going to be late.

Marissa looked a little confused why did he stop wasn't she good anymore she just shrugged the thought of and took his hand as they left their house.

Summer and Seth's house:

Seth: Sum we're going to be late hurry up!

Seth shouted to Summer downstairs waiting for here to come down.

Summer: I'm not going COHEN!

Seth: What?

Seth ran upstairs to only see Summer sitting on their bed with a robe on and a bar of chocolate in her hand. Her make up was done and so was here hair.

Seth: What is going on?

Summer: What do you think is going on Cohen I'm a fat pig!

Seth: What, no you're not!

Summer had a little bump that was the only thing you could see she was just 2 ½ months pregnant and you could only assume that she was pregnant if you knew here.

Summer: Yes I am! I don't even want to torture myself to try and get in one of those dresses or trousers or jeans even.

Seth: Who's neurotic now huh? Summer you look amazing!

Summer: You're only saying that to make me feel better.

Seth: Yeah of course but also because I mean it! Now please try something on and we'll go okay?

Summer: Okay.

Summer took on of her many dresses out of her walk-in-closet and put it on she defiantly looked amazing. Seth gave her a smile and a kiss he took her hand in his and they also left their house.

The Cohen's:

Julie, Neil, Ryan and Marissa were already there they were talking actively in the kitchen when Summer and Seth arrived everyone gave Summer a compliment of how great she looked.

Kirsten: So everyone dinner is served.

When everyone was seated Sandy thought this was the perfect time to give another speech.

Sandy: Well I'm glad we're finally having this dinner. I think I speak for us all when I say how happy we are that Marissa is back with us. Things have been very hard these last couple of years for everyone, but I'm happy to say that we got through it together and I'm really proud of our family. Cheers!

Everyone: Cheers!

Summer was weeping like a little baby.

Marissa: Sum are you okay?

Ryan: Yeah?

Summer: It was such a sad speech!

Everyone at the table looked confused; everyone that is except Seth he rubbed Summer's back and knew it was only a matter of time she would be back to normal.

Summer: Hormones.

Summer explained and everyone gave a little aha or I see.

Seth: OMG!

Summer was back to normal and everyone turned to Seth.

Kirsten: What?

Seth: I just realised that we're just in the second month of the pregnancy and it'll only get worse that also means I've still seven months to go with this thing.

Seth said pointing at Summer.

Summer: HEY!

Summer punched him in his arms.

Seth: Wow and you're getting stronger by the minute.

Summer: I know!

Everyone laughed and enjoyed their dinner it was a really fun night. It was getting really late and everyone went home and Ryan and Marissa were on their way home.

Ryan and Marissa's house:

Ryan: So that was fun.

Marissa: Yeah it was it was great. I know something else we could do that is also a lot of fun.

Marissa unzipped her dress and was left in her bra and panties she walked upstairs and was waiting for Ryan to follow her of course he did and while he followed her he picked up her dress he looked at her in awe she still looked amazing and beautiful.

Ryan got upstairs and went to their bedroom Marissa immediately kissed him she pulled of his shirt and unbuttoned his jeans she let them slide down. Ryan was left in his boxers but not for long because Marissa pushed his boxers to the floor as well, Ryan undid her bra and pushed her panties down to the floor. He was so amazed by her beauty. She looked up at him and he gently pushed her back on the bed and lay down beside her. Ryan stopped and looked deeply in her eyes.

Ryan: Are you sure?

Marissa: Uhu…

He saw her answer in her eyes and he lent forward to kiss her gently, their tongues stroking one another. He pulled back to look at her again scared that she may have been having second thoughts, not wanting to rush this, only to have her crash her lips into his. There was nothing gentle about this. It was as if they had been starving for one another. They couldn't get enough of each other. Their hands were everywhere he started to kiss her shoulders and the rest of her body. She pulled him back up and she gave him a nod then he entered her they

Minutes later after their breathing had returned to normal, Ryan moved to lay beside Marissa keeping an arm wrapped firmly around her not wanting to let her go. And after a few minutes just staring at each other they were fast asleep.

I hope you liked it and I hope it wasn't inappropriate well tell me what you think by reviewing. xoxo SumCoop


	8. The job offer

Hi you guys I'm back from my sailing trip and it was amazing! I promised I'd give you a new chapter when I came back well here it is a new chapter!

Chapter 8: The job offer.

Ryan and Marissa's mansion:

It had been a few weeks since the dinner and everything was going smoothly Marissa was looking for jobs like modelling and she had a few people who were interested in here. Marissa was up and Ryan was taking a shower, the phone rang and Marissa went to the kitchen to take it.

Marissa: Marissa Cooper.

Woman: Hello Marissa Cooper you're speaking with Mr. Louis Vuiton's assistant Claire.

Marissa: Wow hello.

Claire: Hi we got your name from someone else and we also saw your portfolio and Mr. Vuiton loved it. He offers you a job to be his model.

Marissa: Oh my god that's amazing.

Claire: There is a 'but' though…

Marissa: Okay what is it?

Claire: Well if you're going to work for Mr. Vuiton you have to move to Paris.

Marissa: Ooh wow that is uhm kind of a big deal.

Claire: I know I grew up in America too and I have to tell you moving to Paris was one of my hardest decisions but also my best. You can think about it, but we would like to know your answer before the weekend.

Marissa: Okay thank you very much.

Claire: You're welcome.

Marissa sat back in the sofa and thought about the conversation she just had it was the best opportunity ever, but could she leave Newport behind her. Leave her mother, Seth, Summer and… Ryan. Ryan interrupted her thoughts with a kiss. She smiled and pulled away to look up at him. He only had his towel on and he looked so hot.

Marissa: Wow good morning.

Ryan: Morning. Who was that?

Marissa: Huh?

Ryan: On the phone?

Marissa: Oh just my mom asking me how I was and how you are.

Ryan: Okay so what do you want to do today?

Marissa: Uhm I wanted to go shopping with Summer today.

Ryan: Okay then I'll have some Seth/Ryan time.

Marissa laughed because she knew that Ryan was making fun of Seth and he gave her his half smile she melted away.

Marissa: I'm going to call her.

Ryan: Okay do you want bacon with scrambled eggs.

Marissa: That sounds delicious.

Ryan walked to their bedroom to put on some jeans and a wife beater, he then walked downstairs again to make breakfast but he heard Marissa talk to Summer and it caught his attention.

Marissa: No but Summer I need to talk to you, it's really important….Can't cancel…I need to tell today because he will know the thing that I want to tell you and that can't happen…Thank you so much I love you…See you at the diner at uhm 1…Okay see yah there bye.

Ryan went to the kitchen with a confused look on his face. He made their breakfast and they ate in silence. Marissa didn't know why he was so quiet but she decided to leave it.

Later in the diner

Summer: YOU WHAT? NO you can't leave.

Marissa: Sum you haven't heard the whole story yet.

Summer: You want to go to Paris why?

Marissa: Louis Vuiton wants me as his model.

Summer: Oh my god that is amazing.

Marissa: I know, but I don't know if I can leave you guys.

Summer: You always wanted this and you still do I can see it in your eyes. You want this and it will make you happy.

Marissa: So what are you saying?

Summer: If this really is what you want then you should go.

Marissa: I'm going to miss you so much.

Summer: So you're really going?

Marissa: Yes this is good for me…

Summer: Then I'm going to miss you like hell. I love you.

Marissa: I love you too.

Marissa and Summer hugged each other and were crying in each others arms. Marissa and Summer both went home.

Ryan and Marissa's mansion:

Marissa: Sweetie I'm home.

Ryan: Hey.

Marissa: Is everything okay?

Ryan: Uhu how was your day?

Marissa: It was okay. Ry I need to tell you something.

Ryan: Okay…

Marissa: Maybe we could go to the living room.

Marissa explained everything to him Ryan just looked at her and didn't say a thing.

Marissa: Ryan…please say something…anything.

Ryan: You want to go to Paris?

Marissa: Yes…

Ryan: But you know I can't with the Newport group I can't…how are you going to do that?

Marissa: I'm not asking you to come with me.

Ryan: Oh…

Marissa: I'm so sorry but I need to do this.

Ryan: So uhm what are we going to do with our relationship you want to do the whole long distant thing?

Marissa: I don't know what we need to do…I just know that you guys have done everything you want and I have lost 5 years of my life I need those years back.

Ryan: And you can't have that with me.

Marissa: Of course I can damn it I love you...

Ryan: Well if this is what you want then I'll support you, because I love you and we will make it work between us. Just because you're leaving doesn't mean I'm letting you go.

Marissa was crying she looked at Ryan and hugged him he had a tear too. They hugged each other and stayed that way the whole night.

Hoped you liked it! Love you guys please comment kisses Noor!


	9. The Goodbye

Hi you guys another update let me know what you think you know I love your reviews and thanks for the other reviews loved them too! I'm glad you like the idea of Marissa going to Paris. Anyway here you go new chapter! Read and Review! Hugs and kisses Noor!

Chapter 9: The goodbye.

Ryan and Marissa's house:

Marissa was finished packing and couldn't stop crying with everything she packed every little thing held a big memory. She then looked at the last thing she held in her hand it was a picture of Ryan, Marissa, Summer and Seth at their graduation. She cried again Ryan was about to come in but stopped himself in the doorway he looked at Marissa who was crying and he felt his heart ache; he then knocked on the door. Marissa wiped her tears away and looked at him.

Ryan: Everyone is here for dinner.

Marissa: Okay I just need to powder my nose and I'll be right there.

Ryan walked over to Marissa and kissed her. She gave him a sad smile and he gave her his famous half smile.

Ryan: I just want you to know that I really love you.

Ryan looked Marissa deep in her eyes and she felt tears that were starting to built up again after she told him she was going to leave he told her he loved her so many times they had made love so many times. She looked at him and hugged him really tight.

Marissa: I love you too so much.

Ryan could feel a tear rolling down his cheek. He pulled away and walked downstairs to everyone.

Kirsten: How is she?

Ryan: She's trying to stay strong.

Julie: I can't believe she's really leaving my baby is leaving.

Ryan: It's what she wants more then anything in the world.

Marissa: That's not true I want you more then anything in the world I just got to do this for me, you guys have had your life. I missed 5 years of mine and it's time to take them back.

Ryan: You deserve it.

Marissa: Thanks sweetie.

She walked over to Ryan and kissed him everyone could see the pain that they were both going through. They all ate in silence no one said a word, because it was not the right time for it. Marissa needed to go to the airport early in the morning Ryan would bring her. She would say goodbye to all her friends and family after dinner.

She started with Sandy and Kirsten they walked up to her first it was Sandy and he hugged her and she immediately started crying again.

Sandy: I have said this some time before and I'll say it to you too. Just because you're leaving doesn't mean we're letting you go.

Marissa laughed a little because she remembered Ryan telling her the same thing; she figured Sandy told him the same thing. Sandy gave Marissa a kiss on the top of her head. He then stepped aside for Kirsten. Kirsten gave Marissa a half smile and had tears in her eyes so did Marissa. She hugged her so tight and the two started crying.

Kirsten: I'm going to miss you a lot, and you and Summer will always be like daughters for me.

Marissa: And you'll always be my second mom.

Kirsten walked back to Sandy and held him tight. Next on line were Julie and Neil.

Neil went over and hugged Marissa and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

Neil: Take care.

Marissa: I will.

Marissa looked at her mother who was the next one to hug her and say goodbye, Julie had tears streaming down her face, and so did Marissa.

Julie: Sweetie I'm going to miss you so much.

Marissa cried even harder and held her mother really tied she was so happy that her mother and she got things straightened out.

Marissa: I'm going to miss you too mom and I love you I want you to know that.

Julie: Oh baby I love you too, and you better call everyday and tell me how everything is going and you also have to be very very careful. Julie smiled at her daughter and gave her one last kiss on her cheek then Julie went over to stand next to Neil, Summer and Seth were waiting for them to finish Summer was crying already.

Summer (to Seth): You go first.

Seth: Oh my god she brought my mom down, I'm going to weep like a little baby.

Summer: Just go.

Seth walked over to Marissa and hugged her.

Seth: Well I guess Paris can use a Cosmo Girl, I just want you to know that you'll always be part of the Fantastic four no one can replace you.

Marissa: Thanks Seth, luckily I'm not dead, if I didn't know better I would say I was on a funeral.

Seth: I know but just take care of your self.

Marissa: I will Seth I promise.

Seth: Good.

Seth had some tears rolling down his face and went to stand next to his parents Marissa took a shaky breath and then it was time to say goodbye to Summer. Summer came closer to Marissa. They hugged each other really really tight and cried even harder.

Summer: I'm going to miss you so much; you'll always be my best friend.

Marissa: You'll always be my best friend too.

Summer: I love you.

Marissa: And I love you.

Marissa: Goodbye everyone thanks for coming…

Marissa couldn't take it anymore and run upstairs, everyone said there goodbye to Ryan he had let some tears slip too and after everyone went home he walked upstairs to see if Marissa was doing okay.

Ryan: Hey sweetie, how are you?

Marissa: I feel like crap, I'm going to miss everyone so much, I'm going to miss you so much and it just makes my heart ache it also makes me think that maybe this isn't such a good idea.

Ryan: Well it is you need this it's good for you and we need to move on.

Marissa: So we won't be us anymore when I leave…

Ryan: How can we? I don't know how long you're going to stay there.

Marissa: I know…I know…I just want you to know that what ever happens you were the one! My one!

Ryan: Same goes for me.

Marissa: I love you.

Ryan: I love you too.

Marissa was crying even harder and Ryan had tears that were rolling down his eyes. Marissa hugged him and he hugged her back really tight. They kissed and the kiss grew more passionate after a few minutes. Ryan looked at Marissa again as if to ask if she was okay with it and she nodded.

Ryan: Sure?

Marissa: Yeah I really am.

He kissed her again and removed her shirt she opened his shirt. He kissed her stomach and she moaned, Ryan came back up and kissed her again this kiss was full of heat and Ryan undid Marissa's bra. She went to his jeans and undid them and immediately pushed his boxers down. Ryan also undid Marissa's short and then he took off her panties. Ryan kissed every part of Marissa's perfect body, Marissa had enough of lying under him and decided to take charge she came on top of Ryan and kissed his muscular body and when they both couldn't hold it anymore Ryan entered Marissa and they rocked back and forth until they both came. They were lying next to each other until there breath became steady Ryan got up and also lifted Marissa up.

Marissa: What are we doing?

Ryan: We're going in bath together.

Marissa: Oh round two, you're quick.

Ryan: Actually I really wanted to clean.

Marissa: So you can resist me, because I have to tell you I'm up for another round.

Ryan: Are you kidding me what kind of guy can resist you, I know I assure as hell can't.

Ryan walked them into the bathroom and closed the door with his foot.

That was it hope you liked it! Please review! xoxo Noor


	10. The final goodbye

Hey guys here it is the next chapter thank you so much for your reviews I loved them! Anyway here is the next chapter let me know what you think! I also used a song to this chapter the lyrics are in italics. Hugs and kisses Noor!

Chapter 10: The final goodbye.

Ryan and Marissa's house:

Ryan and Marissa had just showered if you could call it that, they were lying on their bed Ryan and Marissa both had one of Ryan's boxers and one of his wife beaters. They were curled up into each other. Marissa was silently crying and Ryan held her really tight not wanting to let her go, he needed to drive her to the airport in the morning and he really didn't want to do that.

_Go on and close the curtains_

_'cause all we need is candlelight_

_You and me and the bottle of wine_

_And hold you tonight_

_Well, we know I'm going away_

_And how I wish, I wish it weren't so_

_So take this wine and drink with me_

_Let's delay our misery..._

Marissa turned around to look at Ryan and he gave her a sad smile he wiped away her tears and she kissed him. The kiss was passionate and painful. Marissa pulled away and looked Ryan in his eyes.

Marissa: I really don't know if I should go…

Ryan: Marissa look at me.

Marissa looked at Ryan and he stared at her with his piercing blue eyes, the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Now they were full of sadness, and she knew it was all because of her. Of course he was sad she had been in a coma for 5 years and when she finally woke up she decided to go as far away from the love of her life.

Ryan: You want to do this I know it's scary and I know it will break both of our hearts but you're strong and you will get through this, this is an opportunity of a life time and it has been given to you.

Marissa: Who would ever think you would tell me that.

Ryan: Well we might not have the rest of our lives together but we have tonight and we need to make the best of it.

Marissa: I like that plan Snoopy.

Marissa and Ryan both laughed remembering that day then Marissa started kissing Ryan really hard and she rolled over so she was on top of him. She pulled of his wife beater and she kissed his chest and he moaned. Marissa was playing with him going lower and lower and playing with his boxer. She could see his member harden in his boxer and she didn't even do that much. She looked back up at Ryan pretending to be shocked and he gave her a smile that said 'hey can't help it'. Ryan had enough of her being in charge and he rolled her over so that he was on top of her. He removed her wife beater and her boxer. She was now completely naked and he started massaging her breasts her perfect breast. He kissed her passionately there was no pain involved in this kiss not at all. His tongue slipped in her mouth. Marissa was in Ryan's boxer already working her magic with her hands. He had one hand one her breasts and the other one removed his boxer. She couldn't take this fore play anymore and pushed him in her. And after a few minutes they both came and Marissa screamed Ryan's name as loud as she could.

_Save tonight_

_Fight the break of dawn_

_Come tomorrow_

_Tomorrow I'll be gone_

_There's a log on the fire_

_And it burns like me for you_

_Tomorrow comes with one desire..._

_To take me away_

Marissa and Ryan made love that night several times and woke up by a loud noise it was their alarm and it made Ryan feel sick he needed to bring Marissa to the airport it was very very early it was still dark outside. Marissa woke up too and she and Ryan took a shower.

At the Airport:

Marissa was holding Ryan's hand like she was glued to it. He held hers just as much as she did. They were walking to the gate where she had to go through and leave Newport her family, her friends, and most importantly Ryan behind. There they were in front of the gate. Ryan and Marissa turned to face each other. And Marissa was crying and Ryan looked at her with so much pain in his eyes. It was difficult for both of them to breath.

_It ain't easy to say goodbye_

_Darling please don't start to cry_

_'cause girl you know I've got to go_

_And Lord I wish it wasn't so_

Ryan: Hey beautiful…

Marissa looked at Ryan her face tears strained.

Ryan: I love you okay just remember that.

Marissa was now crying uncontrollably and she held on to Ryan even tighter he hugged her and he felt her tears on his chest he kissed the top of her head and they stayed like that for a few minutes. They broke apart only to hear a voice call out the flight that Marissa was in was boarding. Marissa looked at Ryan one last time and she couldn't help crying, she couldn't stop it. She kissed him one last time and let go of his hand even though he did his best to hold on to it very tight. Marissa walked away and then walked back.

Marissa: I love you Ryan Atwood and I always will.

Ryan couldn't hold it much longer and let some tears fall down his face, Marissa walked through the gate and looked back and saw Ryan standing before the glass crying and looking at her. Marissa grabbed her bag and took a shaky gasp. She mouthed I love you one last time and after that she was gone and Ryan was standing alone his head on the glass.

I know that was really depressing but I still hope you liked it I promise you this isn't the last you have seen of Marissa I love her and she will stay in my story the song that I used was Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry, please let me what you think know by leaving me a review thanks! xoxo Noor!


	11. When we don't talk

**Hey you guys here it is another chapter I know you were hoping for Marissa to stay in Newport or Ryan to follow her but I have to say that's not going to happen. I promise it's not all bad you just have to get through it. I promise! Enjoy! xoxo Noor:)**

Chapter 11: When we don't talk.

Marissa's apartment in Paris:

Marissa's is lying in her bed staring up at the ceiling it's been two weeks since she left Newport and she still doesn't know if she made the right decision thankfully she still talks to her mom, Summer and Ryan everyday and everyday she hang up crying uncontrollably she felt she couldn't breathe when Ryan called her he always said all those sweet things and he ended saying that he loved her and that he missed her. Marissa took her diary from the nightstand and began writing in it.

_Dear Diary, _

_Yesterday was amazing with Louis Vuiton the photo shoot went better then expected. All my colleges are nice the girls are breath taken they're all so beautiful that I kind of feel out of place. It's been 2 weeks and I still don't know if I made the right decision. I miss everyone so much I miss Ryan more then anyone could ever know, but I can't go back I need to learn to be independent. I need to be Marissa Cooper and not Marissa Cooper the girl who can't do anything by herself who always needs to be saved. I love it here in Paris but I do miss Newport. Summer called me today and told me that Ryan was not talking much but was working all the time, and when she saw him he was doing quite well. I'm happy that he's doing well... I think. _

_End _

Marissa put her diary away again and got out of bed she looked around her and it was snowing. She decided to take a walk in the snow seeing as she never had the chance to walk through the snow. Marissa was walking through a park near her apartment and saw two people who were in love she assumed. The girl was crying and the boy put his arm around her he told her something and she couldn't help but laugh and they kissed. Marissa felt tears rolling down her cheeks she got out her cell phone and sat on a bench. She dialled Ryan's number and pushed the sent button she waited until he answered.

Ryan: Hello?

Marissa: (sobbing) Ryan?

Ryan: Marissa…are you okay?

Marissa: (laughing) Oh yeah I'm just great…sorry.

Ryan: It's okay what's wrong.

Marissa: I miss you…I miss you so much.

Ryan: I miss you too.

Marissa: I just don't know if this was such a good idea…I mean everything is great here except that I'm not with you.

Ryan: Well we had our time now it's time for some Marissa time. I've got to go I'm on a business party I'll talk to you soon.

Marissa: Oh okay…I'll go I love you bye.

Ryan: Yeah bye.

And with that Ryan hung up Marissa was crying even more if that was possible. She was crying so much she was hyperventilating. She couldn't breathe and there was no one around to help her she search her back for a plastic bag and fortunately found one. Her breathing became fair after a few minutes breathing in and out through a plastic bag. He didn't say he loved her and he talked to her like she was waiting for him at home like he would see her in a second. What was going on? It was raining now and Marissa didn't even feel it she walked through the park until she came home. Did he have a girlfriend already or did he have a date? What the fuck was he doing? She loved him she said it again and this time he didn't say it back he didn't even ask her to come home. Marissa came home soaked and went to change. She came back in the living room and heard her cell phone ring. She saw it was Summer and immediately answered it.

Marissa: Hey Sum!

Summer: Marissa what's your number?

Marissa: What do you mean?

Summer: I'm in your apartment building but I don't know on which floor you live and I also don't know your apartment number.

Marissa: YOU'RE HERE?

Summer: Yes. I'm in the foyer right now.

Marissa: OMG I'm on my way!

Marissa ran downstairs she didn't even bother to close her door and she ran downstairs to the foyer. To see Summer standing there tears with tears strained cheeks the same Marissa had not too long ago. Marissa ran over to Summer and hugged her so tight!

Marissa: SUM! I MISSED YOU!

Summer: I missed you too Coop!

Marissa pulled away and she didn't ask anything she just took her luggage and they went to Marissa's apartment. When they got their Marissa gave Summer pyjamas and made some hot chocolate for both. Summer was sitting on Marissa's couch and was crying Marissa came back with the two mugs she gave one to Summer and sat next to her.

Marissa: Okay what's going on?

Summer: It's Seth…we're not doing good anymore. I don't know what happened it's like there came this wall between us and I tried to talk to him and he immediately asked me if I was having an affair. We don't talk anymore. I don't know what's going on with us. He says I'm a block of ice we had this huge fight he stormed off and so did I.

Marissa: Aww sum.

Summer: This weather really reflects on my emotions.

Marissa and Summer both looked through the window to see that it was raining even harder then before.

Marissa: Yeah I know what you mean.

Summer: So things with you and Ryan not so good?

Marissa: Not at all, I called him today really upset and he told me he would talk to me later I even said I love you and then he said okay. So I guess we don't talk also.

_**The silence that's fallen between us**_

_**Is the loneliest sound that I've heard?**_

_**How can we find forgiveness?**_

_**If we can't find the words**_

_**When we don't talk**_

_**When we don't speak**_

_**When we don't share all the feelings**_

_**That are buries so deep**_

_**How can we know?**_

_**What's hidden behind those walls?**_

_**When the doors locked**_

_**When we lose touch**_

_**When you and I lose sight of us**_

_**The honesty's lost**_

_**And the tears say it all**_

_**When we don't talk**_

_**When so much goes unspoken**_

_**And sorry is left unsaid**_

_**The silence remains unbroken**_

_**And our hearts are breaking instead**_

_**When we don't talk**_

_**When we don't speak**_

_**When we don't share all the feelings**_

_**That are buried so deep**_

_**How can we know?**_

_**What's hidden behind those walls**_

_**When the doors locked**_

_**When we lose touch**_

_**When you and I lose sight of us**_

_**The honesty's lost**_

_**And the tears say it all**_

_**When we don't talk.**_

**Okay so that was it I hope you liked it please review! Song I used is called When we don't talk by Ilse de Lange. xoxo Noor!**


	12. I know what to do

**Hey guys I'm so so sorry I haven't posted in a while but I'm back to posting and this story really deserves a post so here it is the next chapter and thank you so much for your reviews! Love Noor, btw this whole post is based on Marissa's POV.**

Chapter 12: I know what to do.

Marissa's apartment in Paris:

_It has been a month since Summer went back home she sorted everything out with Seth over the phone he apologized for not believing her and she apologized for running away like she did. I'm glad Sum worked things out with Seth if anyone deserves to be happy it's those two besides all their bickering and little fights they love each other more then anything in the world and they belong together. I always thought Ryan and I had the same thing but after Trey everything changed Ryan and I stopped talking we didn't talk much but after what I did to Trey that was it. Ryan never told me how he felt and he wasn't there for me because he wasn't there for himself he wasn't ready to deal with everything yet and I should have respected that, but instead I didn't and I only thought about myself well what else is new? If only I had listened asked him how he felt maybe we could've worked out our relationship and then I definitely wouldn't have hooked-up with Volchok, because that was all that it was a hook-up nothing more. I was just really lonely, and I had a feeling like no one wanted me around them especially Ryan. Of course I didn't listen to my heart that told me to have a talk with Ryan I listened to my stupid mind who said he didn't want me near him and I went to Volchok instead the guy who drove me and Ryan of a cliff, the same reason I slipped into a coma for 5 years and the same reason I'm lying on my couch in my cold apartment in Paris looking through the window wondering what I should do next? Go back to Newport the love of my life or stay here a little longer and go back when I'm no longer insecure about myself and when I know I'm good enough for Ryan, but I don't know how long that will take me and if it will ever happen. I need to make up my mind and I need to do it soon. _

_As usual my thoughts are interrupted by a loud ringing that echo's through my apartment. I walk to the kitchen and look at the caller's ID it's not a French number. _

Marissa: Hello?

Summer: Coop!

_I laugh at her high pitched but very cute voice._

Marissa: Hey Sum I should've known it was you, how are you?

_I go back to the living room and sit back on my couch with a smile plastered on my face just to hear her voice makes me happy I really do miss her she's my best friend and my step-sister. _

Summer: Well that depends have you made a decision.

_I think about what she says and suddenly I know what to do the smile on my face only becomes bigger and bigger when I think of it._

Marissa: Yeah I have and I know exactly what I need to do!

Summer: Uhm…would you mind telling me what that is though?

Marissa: Sum I really need to go but I'll talk to you soon okay?

Summer: Yeah I guess bye Coop Love you.

Marissa: Love you too Sum.

_I jump up and do a little happy dance I turn my music on and gather my things. After I'm sure I'm done I call Claire talk to her about everything and I'm so happy with the outcome of that conversation. Claire has actually become a friend of mine and she's great. After a while when I'm sure I'm done I walk down the stairs with all the things that I need. I stop when I see it's raining. That is something I really didn't like about Paris it rains a lot well I think it rains a lot being a California girl. I hale a cab and I get in._

Marissa: En aérodrome s'il vous plait.

Cab driver : Bien entendu céleste dame.

_I blush a little and he begins to drive. It's been 30 minutes and I'm there I have my ticket which I had booked already I walk to the gate I need to go to, but not before I thank the cab driver and give him a really big tip I don't really know why I'm just really happy._

_I have landed finally I hate flying so long and from Paris to Orange County is a long flight. I gather all my stuff again walking towards the exit of the Airport and I'm sure I'm not in Paris anymore it's a lot hotter in Orange County. Again I get into a cab and drive off to the Robert's mansion because I want to surprise the rest. I get out and pay the cabdriver. I struggle with my suitcases and eventually get at the front door. I ring the door and it takes a while when my mom opens the door dropping the wine she has in her hands. She hugs me with all her power I can tell because I can barely breathe but when she hugs me I also feel tears fall on my shoulder I hug her back with just as much strength and let a few tears escape as well. _

Julie: What…what are you doing here? I thought you were in Paris.

Marissa: I was until I realised I didn't want to be there but I actually wanted to be with you.

Julie: But what about your job?

Marissa: Well Louis Vuiton has his other big studio in LA which means I have to go back and forth a lot, but it's better then being in Paris.

Julie: Yeah it is! I love you so much you don't know how much I missed you.

_I smile and hug her again then I see that she's dressed up more then usual anyway. _

Marissa: Are you going somewhere?

Julie: Oh yeah I just going to Kirsten's Seth and Summer are going to be there too. You should come too they will be so happy to see you.

Marissa: Okay I will let me just get dressed. Give me 10 minutes.

Julie: Ten minutes?

Marissa: Mom being a model makes you fast.

Julie: Okay sweetie I'll be in the car with Neil.

Marissa: Okay.

_I go upstairs and quickly change into a dress I got after some shoots I loved it so much that I could have it. I put a little bit of make-up on my cheeks and some lip-gloss on my lips. _

_I come into the Cohen house hold no one has seen me yet and I'm actually very nervous. I come into the kitchen and everyone turns their heads towards me and they look shocked. Summer has tears rolling down her face and Seth gently rubs her back she runs towards me and I run toward her too. She's is a little slower seeing as she is 6 months pregnant. She hugged me and sobbed into my shoulder I laughed through my tears._

Summer: Sorry Coop hormones.

_Summer released me and now it was Seth's turn to hug me he had a huge smile on his face which surprised me but made me only happier._

Seth: I'm so glad you're back now she can rage blackout on you too they have gotten much worse.

Summer: Cohen I'm standing next to you in a kitchen which has knifes.

Seth: Oh but little Summiepummie I wasn't talking about you!

_After everyone had hugged me I missed one person and that was Ryan why wasn't he here? We ate and I told them what I had been up to and they told me what had happened while I was gone. I motioned Summer to come with me. _

Summer: What's up?

Marissa: Where's Ryan?

Summer: At home I guess…

Marissa: Summer I need to ask him something. So I'll go now.

Summer: Wait what are you going to ask him?

Marissa: Okay I know it's not supposed to go like this but I'm going to ask him to marry me.

_Before Summer could say anything I kissed her cheek and run away with the keys to my mother's BMW._

Summer: COHEN!

Seth: What? What? Are you in labour? Mom call an ambulance Summer it's going to be okay.

Summer: I'm not in labour asshead I need the keys to the car.

Seth: What? why?

Summer: I need to follow Coop.

Seth: Okay but why?

Seth handed the keys to Summer and looked at her with a questionable look.

Summer: She's going over to Ryan to ask him to marry her.

Seth: She what?

Summer: I know!

And with that Summer was gone leaving a bewildered Seth in the hallway.

_This is it the moment I've been waiting for the moment that I would see Ryan again. I ring the doorbell twice and I hear footsteps the door opens and it reveals Ryan. He takes my breath away like he does every time I think of him or see him a smile comes across his face and before I know it he lifts me up and turns me around._

Ryan: You're back?

Marissa: Yeah and I'm not going anywhere ever again!

Ryan: How have you been?

Marissa: I'm good now and what about you?

Ryan: I've been good.

_He gives me his famous Ryan Atwood smile and I can't help but smile back and have a few tears forming in my eyes if I'm going to do it I need to do it now._

Marissa: Ryan I love…

Natalie: Ry who's at the door?

_My heart stops when I hear a female voice she comes up from behind Ryan in only a towel wrapped around her and she kisses Ryan in front of me the love of my life who I was going to ask to marry me. She turns around to me and gives me a small smile._

**How can you ask me?**

**how have I been?**

**I think you should know well**

**the shape that I'm in**

**you say that you wondered**

**if I was o.k.**

**well that's a damn fool thing to say**

**The water is risin'**

**the wider is wide**

**and your always standin'**

**on the other side**

**and then comes to moment**

**I wake before dawn**

**with hours to lie here alone**

Natalie: Hi I'm Natalie.

Ryan: Nat this is Marissa she's an old friend.

_An old friend ouch that hurts so that's what I am to him now. I shake her hand and put up a smile Ryan looks at me and we lock eyes. I hear a horn of a car and see Summer's car standing in Ryan's driveway. I looked at her and turned around back to Ryan and Natalie._

Marissa: Well Ryan it was good to see you again but I really need to go now nice meeting you Natalie.

Natalie: Yeah you too.

**And you seem so surprised that**

**that I'm feelin' this way**

**how am I so lonely today**

**if you ever loved me the way I loved you**

**you would be lonely too**

_I looked at Ryan who was looking facing the floor and I just walked to Summer's car I got in and let the tears finally fall down she grabbed my hand and squeezed it._

Summer: Ow sweetie I'm sorry.

Marissa: I'm the biggest fool that exists. Can I stay at your house tonight?

Summer: Yeah sure sweetie.

_Summer got out of the driveway and before I knew it she parked her car in front of her house I saw that the lights were on that meant that Seth was home as well. We both got out and into their house. Seth looked at me and walked over and hugged me which was a surprise to me but a good one I cried onto his shoulder and Summer joined the hug as well. We released each other and Summer looked at me with a worried look._

Summer: Sweetie do you need anything?

Marissa: No I just think I'm going to sleep…

Summer: Well you know where it is.

_I gave her a small smile and walked to a guest bedroom I slid of my dress and grabbed some PJ's Summer always kept in the drawers I slid into them and walked up to the bed. I lay down on it and cried again sobbed, I could barely breathe here I was leaving Paris for him never thinking that he might have moved on but he did and he deserved to move on we said we wouldn't wait for each other. But that didn't mean it wasn't hard. And that was why I was crying not because I hated him for moving on but because he deserved it and I didn't want him to move on. And because I love him true deep love that makes my heart beat quicken, my stomach turn, my eyes spark and my life meaningful, but knowing I lost it that hurt the most._

**So here's to the lovers**

**for old times sake**

**who don't hold each other**

**to the promise they break**

**and smile through the window**

**and wave on the street**

**'cause that's all you want now from me**

**Should I say something**

**to put you at ease**

**or should I get down on my knees**

**if you ever loved me the way I loved you**

**you would be lonely too**

**If you ever loved me**

**the way I loved you**

**you would be lonely too**

**Okay so that was it a new chapter I hope you liked it I would love some reviews! Love Noor! Song used Lonely too by Ilse de Lange.**


	13. I hate myself for losing you!

**Hey guys here is the next chapter I'm glad you like the last one but you do hate Ryan anyway here it is and bear with me R/M fans I'm one myself so don't worry:D This chapter takes off at the door when Marissa shows up and will continue it will partly Ryan's thoughts but also Marissa you'll get it when you read it thanks for the reviews I really appreciate them! Love Noor!**

Chapter 13: I hate myself for losing you!

At Ryan's mansion:

_I'm sitting on my bed and I hear the water running in the bathroom the woman who's taking a shower is Natalie not Marissa not the one I want to be their. Natalie is amazing she's funny, smart, sweet, beautiful just not as Marissa…Marissa is miraculous she's amazingly funny, she's amazingly smart, amazingly sweet and absolutely breath taking beautiful, but Marissa's not here Marissa is in Paris and Marissa is living a life of her own. The last time I spoke with Marissa she was crying, sobbing I had my first date with Natalie and I was distant she felt it and I knew it at first I wasn't I didn't want to be but then I was I couldn't do that to Natalie or Marissa, I've known Natalie for over 5 years now we went to college together and I never dated her then, because I was waiting for Marissa I would always wait but at some point I couldn't anymore when Marissa had the choice to leave she left and I told her it was a good idea but I immediately regretted it when I came back to my apartment her pictures were everywhere everything reminded me of her even the coffee pot how sick is that I couldn't even drink a cup of coffee without thinking of Marissa the day she spilled coffee on her new shirt and was cursing she was late for her meeting with her mother and I saw her cursing and it was so cute eventually she came a whole lot later after our little bonding time in the kitchen next to the coffee pot. _

The bell rang two times.

_That must be Seth wanting to have some little Seth/Ryan time. I reluctantly got up._

Ryan walked down the stairs and opened the door to see some one he wasn't expecting at all.

_I open the door and there she is Marissa Cooper the love of my life the girl I've loved since I was sixteen. I can't help but smile and I see her smile back she looks absolutely stunning but what else is new. Before I even know what I'm doing I pick her up and spin her around it's so good to have her back in my arms that's the way she should be. _

Ryan: You're back?

Marissa: Yeah and I'm not going anywhere ever again.

_My smile only gets wider and wider she is staying for good! This is the second best day of my life the best was when she woke up from her coma it's ironic that all my best days have something to do with my life in Newport none of them involve my life in Chino, but I'm not from Chino I'm from Newport. _

Ryan: How have you been?

Marissa: I'm good now and what about you?

Ryan: I've been good.

_Okay so that was a lie ever since she left I haven't been good these last couple of days I've been doing better. I can see she wants to tell me something she steps a little closer and her eyes become watery._

Marissa: Ryan I love…

Natalie: Ry who's at the door?

_My heart skips a beat when I hear Natalie s.hit I didn't even realise she was still here, was Marissa going to say that she loves me…Marissa's smile immediately falls when she heard Natalie's voice I can see her go from happy to sad. Good job Ryan good job! Natalie comes to the door and has only a towel rapped around her body. She kisses me on my lips not knowing who Marissa is what should I say 'Hey Natalie this is Marissa she's my ex-girlfriend who I'm still in love with I think.' I see the hurt in Marissa's eyes as Natalie pulls away. She turns to Marissa and puts her hand I wait a second hoping she will accept it and she does she smiles at Natalie._

Natalie: Hi I'm Natalie.

Ryan: Nat this is Marissa she's an old friend.

_Okay that was hard even for you; you could have at least said that's she's a friend but saying that she's an old friend is really mean. I look at Marissa and her eyes become watery once again but this time it's not from happiness. There is a loud hunk and Summer is parked in my driveway she gives Natalie a dirty look and shakes her head at me then she looks at Marissa and motions for her to come. _

Marissa: Well Ryan it was good to see you again but I really need to go now nice meeting you Natalie.

Natalie: Yeah you too.

_And with that Marissa turns around and walks towards the car Natalie goes back inside but I can't move it's like I'm glued to the spot Marissa gets into the car I see her cry and Summer hugs her Marissa puts her head in her hands and Summer rubs her back driving away. My heart breaks at that site but I can't do anything about it now I'm with Natalie and that's probably the way it should be._

Next morning at Seth and Summer's

_I wake up feeling even more miserable then yesterday I think about yesterdays even and feel tears falling down my cheeks and onto my pillow. He moved on and it's my fault I left I can't blame him for moving on we said we would do that but I didn't think he would actually move on after a month. _

**I woke up today**

**Woke up wide awake**

**In an empty bed**

**Staring at an empty room**

**I have myself to blame**

**For the state I'm in today**

**And now dying**

**Doesn't seem so cruel**

**And oh, I don't know what to say**

**And I don't know anyway**

**Anymore**

Marissa gets up and walks towards the bathroom shutting it closed with her foot she turns on the water and takes of Summer's pj's and her underwear she steps into the shower when the hot water runs down her brittle body she cries again sobs it's almost as if she's hyperventilating.

_I can't do this I miss him so much and it's so painful I came back for him because I wanted to live with him I wanted to grow old with him but I blew it by going away._

**I hate myself for losing you**

**I'm seeing it all so clear**

**I hate myself for losing you**

**What do you do when you look in the mirror**

**And staring at you is why he's not here? **

_I can barely breathe thinking of him does this to me why does love have to be so painful why did he move on? Why did I slip into a coma? Why did I leave? Why did I ever date Volchok? All those questions are ones I can't answer not anymore because it's too late it's over. Even though I saw Natalie for just a minute when she came he was shocked at first but then he seemed happy he deserves her not someone like me._

**You got what you deserved**

**Hope you're happy now**

**'Cause everytime I think of her with you**

**It's killing me**

**Inside, and**

**Now I dread each day**

**Knowing that I can't be saved**

**From the loneliness**

**Of living without you**

**And, oh**

**I don't know what to do**

**Not sure that I'll pull through**

**I wish you knew**

Marissa gets dressed and doesn't even bother to put make up on no make up can cover up this much misery she looks at her self in the mirror and her eyes are swollen, small and red from the crying she already has bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep and her face is suddenly a lot paler then it was there is no sign of happiness what so ever in her eyes. She walks over to Ryan's house knowing that he would be still a sleep it was very early she walks to his driveway and gets into her car she left it their yesterday when Summer came to pick her up she looks at the other car that is parked their and knows it's not Ryan's car.

_Natalie must have stayed the night. Or maybe she lives their that would be pretty soon, but who knows maybe she and Ryan are really happy together and very much in love. Oh my god I don't think I can take it when they have children._

**I hate myself for losing you**

**I'm seeing it all so clear**

**I hate myself for losing you**

**What do you do when you look in the mirror**

**And staring at you is why he's not here?**

She gets into her car and drives around Newport for about an hour stops several times to cry she drives to the spots Ryan and she would be. She even noticed that Harbour had another Kick of Carnival she saw the Ferris Wheel and starts weeping. She gets the car into drive again and decides to get some donuts and coffee for Seth, Summer and herself she drives to 711. Marissa walks in and orders her things within minutes she has her stuff she walks towards the door without even bothering looking up and she bumps into some one and of course it's him. Ryan looks at her and is shocked by the site she looks miserable and heart broken but even so she's still beautiful she would always be beautiful. Marissa doesn't even bother to apologize she walks away only to feel his hand on her waist and pull her back.

Ryan: Are you okay?

Marissa looks at Ryan and nods fresh tears making their way down her face. Ryan wipes them away and she steps back she can't do this he has a girlfriend he's over her they're over.

Marissa: Uhu yeah sure.

**I hate myself for losing you**

**And oh, I don't know what to do**

**Not sure that I'll pull through**

**I wish you knew**

**And oh, I don't know what to say**

**And I don't know anyway**

**Anymore**

**No, no**

Ryan: Are you sure?

_NO OF COURSE I'M NOT SURE RYAN! I miss you like hell I wanted to propose to you but I couldn't because your girlfriend showed up I came back for you but I should have stayed seeing as you have a girlfriend. I want to say that I really do but I can't he may never know I wanted to propose to him ever!_

Marissa: I'm sure.

And with that Marissa runs away tears stream down people watch her as she's running away from him the love of her life Ryan Atwood.

Ryan considers about running after her but doesn't. So he just orders for him and Natalie she stayed last night why he didn't know why but he didn't enjoy it he just wanted to brood silently alone.

Seth and Summer's:

Marissa walks in very silently not wanting to wake Summer and Seth up. She walks towards the kitchen and sees Seth and Summer they're kissing he holds her tight she hides a little behind the wall she sees Seth kiss Summer's swollen stomach she giggles and he kisses her head they close their eyes and just hug each other. Marissa turns around leaning again the wall pictures of her and Ryan like that flashing through her mind and she cries silently hating her self for losing him.

**I hate myself for losing you**

**(I'm seeing it all so clear)**

**I'm seeing it all so clear**

**I hate myself for losing you**

**What do you do when you look in the mirror**

**And staring at you is why he's not here?**

**What do you say when everything's said?**

**Is the reason why he left you in the end?**

**How do you cry when every tear you shed**

**Won't ever bring him back again?**

**I hate myself for loving you **

**I hope you liked this chapter I thought it was necessary to through some Ryan and Marissa feelings in this one please let me know what you think by leaving me a review behind! Thanks a lot Love Noor!**


	14. The Dinner

**Hey guys thank you so much for your awesome reviews I loved them all so much they're great! I really love them! Thanks! I'm sorry for the lack of updates but I'm back on track so that means that you can expect my updates to be on regularly. Here's the next one please review! Love Noor!**

Chapter 14: The dinner:

The Seth and Summer's:

It had been a week since Marissa had been back she had bought an apartment not wanting a very big house for her self. Ryan wanted to help her find one but instead she asked Kirsten to help her and although Kirsten was retired she helped Marissa. Seth and Summer were preparing dinner for that night they had it planned for every Thursday night. Ryan would come and eat with them and this time they had invited Marissa as well.

Summer and Seth had always wanted a fantastic four night but when Marissa was in her coma it was just the three of them it was nice and they talked about all sort of things, but now they could have the evening they were hoping for. Although Summer was mad at Ryan for doing what he did, Marissa and Ryan were officially broken up so there was nothing to yell at him for. Even Seth thought it was a little soon but he found out that Natalie and Ryan were study-buddies. He had seen her when he visited Ryan and she seemed nice, she wasn't Marissa obviously but she was nice.

Summer: So everything is ready.

Seth: Well it smells great!

Summer: It's just lasagne.

Seth: I know and it smells great.

Summer: Thank you.

Summer kissed Seth on his lips she was standing on her tip toes and still didn't reach him. He had to bend a little towards her. He hugged her and they were silent for a while. Seth took in a deep breathe Summer looked up at him knowing he wanted to say something.

Seth: Do you think Ryan and Marissa will ever get back together?

Summer: Well if it was for Marissa then definitely but as for your brother I don't know…

Seth: I know he still loves her, he will always love Marissa and not as in a friendship kind of love in a 'you're my soul mate kind of love'. How's Marissa doing anyway?

Summer: Well it took me a lot of power and treats to convince her to come today she looks awful if that is ever possible. She lost so much weight in one week her eyes are swollen from the lack of sleep and crying. It's really hard to see her like that. I just hope she comes.

Seth: Did you tell her about Ryan coming too?

Summer: No way she is actually supposed to come remember.

Seth: So you didn't tell her?

Summer: Nu ah.

Seth shook his head exhaled the doorbell rung.

Seth: Well this should go well.

He smiled at Summer sarcastically and walked towards the door.

Seth opened the door to see Ryan and someone next to Ryan that he actually didn't expect. He smiled at Ryan and hugged him Ryan hugged him back.

Seth: Hey man.

Ryan: Hey Seth I hope it's okay I brought Natalie?

Seth: Uhm yeah sure. Hi Natalie.

Seth gave her his hand because he really didn't want to hug her; the only girlfriend he ever hugged was Marissa, because he really loved Marissa as a friend and brother.

Natalie: Hi Seth I hope it's not a problem that I came with.

Seth: No it's not come in.

Summer came through the kitchen doors with a huge smile on her face and that face fell when she saw Ryan and a woman she had seen with only a towel on when she was there to pick Marissa up. Seth and Ryan noticed it but Natalie was oblivious to Summer's harsh glare. Summer hugged Ryan and shook Natalie's hand.

Summer: Hi you can all go to the living room. Seth can I talk to you please?

Seth: Sure.

Ryan looked at Summer awkwardly he didn't know Marissa was going to be here and he didn't really understand the problem of bringing her to a normal dinner she was his girlfriend wasn't that the formal thing to do.

Summer: What is that Skank doing here?

Seth: I have absolutely no idea.

Summer: If Marissa didn't think having dinner with Ryan wasn't hard enough.

Seth: This must do the trick.

The doorbell rung once again.

Summer: Oh God…

Seth walked towards the door with Summer right behind him. Summer opened the door and was shocked to what she saw. Marissa was standing in front of her she looked terrible she was still beautiful but her body looked terrible. She had lost so much weight it was scary to see. It looked as if she was anorexic Marissa didn't have a lot of weight to start with but that was just her figure now she really looked unhealthy and very very sick. Her eyes were still swollen and her eyes were puffy. Summer recognized the jeans she was wearing she never wore them because they were too tight now it hang loosely around her waist. She also wore her favourite tank top which normally would look great on her but now you could see her ribs right through it. Seth could feel his heart skip a beat when he saw her Summer told him what she looked like but this was something he never wanted to witness. How could someone loose so much weight in a week? Marissa was still standing uncomfortably outside with one hand in her pocket and the other playing with her hair.

Summer nor Seth had said a word and it had been a good 2 minutes. Ryan had wondered who was at the door he thought it was going to be just the four of them. He walked towards the front door and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Marissa at first it was because he hadn't expected to see her but then he saw how bad she looked well she still looked gorgeous but at the same time so scary and scared and damaged. Marissa looked at Ryan his piercing blue eyes staring at her in astonishment. She immediately felt a tear roll down her face she cursed herself for crying. Seth grabbed her hand and guided her inside like she was a sick girl, like she couldn't carry her own body on her feet. He didn't want to put his arm around her shoulder afraid that she might break. Summer could feel her own eyes prickling with tears. Marissa was inside and what she heard was something she really didn't want to her, she heard her voice. Natalie's voice echoed through Seth and Summer's house.

Natalie: Ry where are you I went to the bathroom and then you were gone!

She walked to the lobby where she saw Seth, Summer, Ryan and another girl. Marissa looked at everyone and felt betrayed she had never in her entire life felt so small, stupid and sick.

Natalie: Oh hi Marissa how are…

Natalie didn't get time to finish her sentence because Marissa ran away to the bathroom. She left it open and everyone was still standing in the lobby. They heard Marissa empty her stomach they could hear the sobs that were escaping her mouth they could hear everything and it broke Ryan, Seth and Summer's heart. Natalie didn't really know what was happening so she just kept quiet. Ryan got out of his shock and daze and within a second he was at Marissa's side. She was done and he just rubbed her back she washed her face brushed her teeth and turned around only to see Ryan stare at her. He hugged her and she hugged him feeling safe in his arms once again.

Ryan: Are you okay?

Marissa came back to reality the hard reality where Ryan wasn't hers she pulled away and gave him a cold look.

Marissa: I'm fine.

And with that she walked back to Seth, Summer and Natalie. Only to be followed by Ryan who wasn't that shocked by her reaction knowing that part of it was his fault.

**I hope you like this post I'm actually quite proud of it. Please review! Love Noor!**


	15. Get back on that horse

**Okay so I know I haven't been updating any of my other stories! And I'm really truly sorry and I get it if you're upset or mad at me and I'm just very sorry! But to make it up to you I have a post! Just read it and let me know if you like it! Love Noor (Thanks for the awesome reviews btw! Love yah all!)**

**Chapter 15: Get back on that horse.**

Marissa's apartment:

Marissa had recently bought an apartment for herself. She had lived with Summer and Seth for one week and then she lived with Julie and Neil for 2 weeks. After 3 weeks of sulking over Ryan, Marissa decided it was time to get her life back together. She still loved him very very much, but she couldn't ruin her life just for him. Ryan and Marissa were not on talking terms actually they hadn't seen each other since the run in at the store. Or actually run out. Marissa had only heard that Natalie had gone away on a business trip for two weeks and that Ryan and she weren't on very good terms either. Summer and Seth wanted Ryan and Marissa to talk to one another but every time they had a dinner. Neither or just one of them showed up, it was making Summer and Seth crazy and quite mad, but there wasn't much they could do about it so they just ignored and tried to be there for their best friends.

Marissa was sitting on her couch with bonbons on her coffee table, toffees on her lap. Ben and Jerry's fudge brownie in one hand and a spoon full of it. She was watching movies the classic movie marathon slash chocolate sulking day! Her face was filled with tears she told herself that she was crying because the movie was so sad but deep down she knew she was talking claptrap.

_Great this is just great I just moved in to my new apartment to get my life back on track and what do I do. I eat lots and lots of chocolate not to mention Junk food, sit on my couch and sulk over Ryan! I mean these movies. Who am I kidding I want him back but I can't have him back! Stupid Argentine whore!!!! It's not her fault though he moves on the minute I go to France! He was so determined of me to go that it makes me wonder if he had an affair with her before I left! What am I talking about he's not that kind of person! He's not that Ryan! He's not her Ryan he's my Ryan!!! Oh my god I'm losing it! I'm seriously losing it! But atleast I'm not drinking._

Marissa was brought back to reality by the ringing of her doorbell. She looked at the clock and it read 7 pm she reluctantly got up she opened the door to see a very concerned Summer. Marissa had a bonbon in her mouth and wiped her face clean she gave Summer a questionable look.

Marissa: What?

Summer raised her eyebrow and looked Marissa up and down as if to indicate that she was talking nonsense. Marissa had some chocolate on her pj's and her curtains were closed, my best friends wedding was playing in the background and she her hair was done in a tight bun and she asked her what?

Summer: What? What? What? You ask me what!?!

Summer walked in Marissa's apartment she opened the curtains and picked up the chocolate bar that was lying on Marissa's couch. She looked at Marissa in disbelief and shook her head.

Summer: Coop this is what!! What happened to you?!

Marissa: Uhm…I.

Summer: Coop you can't live like this it's not healthy I mean look at this you're blanket is touching your couch.

Summer: I need to get you out of the house. We're going to a fancy restaurant and after that we will go to a club in LA.

Marissa looked at Summer with pure shock she looked at herself and shook her head as clearly as she could.

Marissa: Uhm no Summer no!

Summer: Yes Coop go on take a quick shower fresh up and then we'll go out together.

Summer was sitting on Marissa's couch waiting for her to come back fully dressed in the mean time Summer had cleaned up her house and was now watching a Gilmore Girls marathon. She was eating of the Ben and Jerry's and when she heard the door open she looked at Marissa who was just coming out of her room dressed in a cute blue dress with a black ribbon around her waist, a black pair of jimmy choose and her dark blue channel purse with a channel necklace. Marissa hair fell right on her bare back she had straightened it before going out. She made a little turn and smiled.

Marissa: And?

Summer: Perfect!

Marissa smiled and both the girls got out of her apartment looking stunning and ready to have a great evening.

In Summer's car:

Marissa and Summer were listening to some music they were talking about everything Marissa had done in Paris which they hadn't talked about ever since Marissa got back. The conversation ended and the girls were silent.

Marissa: So where is Seth?

Summer: Oh uhm he decided he needed some Seth/Ryan time.

Marissa: So he's at Ryan's?

Summer: He's at Ryan's.

Ryan's mansion:

Ryan and Natalie were in Ryan's living room. With Natalie sitting on the couch and Ryan standing and looking down as if there was a spot on the floor.

Natalie: So you want to break up?

Ryan: Yeah I think it's for the best.

Natalie: But I love you.

Ryan thought that he might choke he didn't know what to say yes he was breaking up with her because he didn't love her, because he would only love one girl, but wasn't it to mean to say?

Ryan: Uhm I…I'm sorry.

Natalie: You know what forget have a nice life Ryan.

Natalie got up and tears streamed freely down her face she walked passed Ryan as fast as she could and she really thought and hoped he would stop her but he did no such thing and that made it only clearer that he didn't love her. Ryan walked her to the door and when she opened the door Seth was standing there if she wasn't humiliated before she certainly was now. Seth looked surprised as to why Natalie was crying he wanted to greet her with his chipper greet but decided against it. She got in her car as fast as she could and drove away. Seth raised his eyebrow and looked at Ryan. Ryan sighed and invited him in.

Seth: So what was that all about, I mean I know you are good with the ladies but I have to tell you bro that didn't look so good.

Ryan: We broke up.

Seth looked surprised and he wanted to know if it was a good thing that they broke up or not.

Seth: Okay so you broke up…but I mean really?

Ryan: Yeah.

Seth: And that is?

Ryan: It's good.

Seth: Okay.

Seth smiled and looked at Ryan. And as if on que they both got up and walked to the kitchen. Ryan opened his fridge and got two beers out one for him and one for Seth.

Seth: So uhm was there any specific reason as to why you broke up?

Ryan: I don't know.

Seth: How can you not know by the look of what I just saw I take it you broke up with her I'm sure you have had a reason for it.

Ryan: No I mean I really don't know it just didn't feel right.

Seth: Okay I can understand that I think.

Ryan and Seth chatted away about everything except his brake up. It was getting late and Ryan wondered where Summer was. He had asked Seth a couple of times if he knew how Marissa was doing, and Seth always told him she had been locking herself up for everyone and everything around her. Ryan always felt very guilty but there wasn't much he could do about anything if Summer couldn't do anything about it.

Ryan: So where is Summer?

Seth: Oh she's got a ladies night with Marissa.

Ryan: So she's with Marissa?

Seth: Yes she's with Marissa.

Club in LA:

Summer and Marissa were seated on the chairs next to the bar. They were enjoying their time together and they hadn't had so much fun in quite a while. Summer told Marissa she needed to go to the bathroom which let Marissa sit on her own. She turned her body towards the bar and only seconds after she did so she felt a light tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see a very stunning man looking at her, he had short brown hair greyish eyes and had a very good body he was nothing compared to Ryan but he was very pretty.

Man: I'm sorry miss I never do this but I just saw you and I had to take my chances.

Marissa looked confused he smiled at her and took the seat that was in the opposite side of her. He gave her his hand she took it.

Man: I'm Mark.

Marissa: Marissa.

Mark: I know this is really lame and if you don't want to I completely understand but I just wanted to ask you if you ever want to have some coffee with me.

Marissa looked at Mark he was actually quite good looking and he did give her a vibe that you just couldn't not like him. She thought about her possibilities which were that she could sulk over Ryan or take the chance to have a friendly cup of coffee with this stunning gentleman. And besides Ryan had Natalie anyway. Marissa smiled and nodded.

Marissa: Yeah I'd love too.

Marissa and Mark exchanged numbers and he would call her very soon. He got up only to bump into a very pretty small brunette he smiled at her and she smiled back he left with a quick 'I'm sorry'. Summer nodded and looked at Marissa who was smiling in a very long time. Summer mouthed 'He's hot!' to Marissa and Marissa mouthed back 'I know!' Both laughed a little. Summer sat back in her chair.

Summer: So what's the deal?

Marissa: We will go out for a friendly cup of coffee.

Summer: Wow what made you change your mind.

Marissa: Well a very wise woman once tolled me that I had to get back on the horse I had to gettie up!

Marissa got up and indicated a 'cowboy' who was getting up. Summer laughed and so did Marissa.

Summer: Well I think it's great that you're not sulking over Ryan anymore and besides he's got Natalie.

Marissa: Exactly what I thought.

Marissa raised her glass and so did Summer and they clinked them together.

**That's it my god that took me so long to write I hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know by reviewing! Hugs and Kisses Noor!!!**


	16. What to say? What to say?

**A long awaited post again I'm sorry! Okay so now the issue Ryan and Marissa, Ryan breaking up and Marissa meeting Mark…what does this mean I don't even know yet! If you want something to happen just tell me! Enjoy this post and review! Love Noor**

Chapter 16: What to say? What to say?

Marissa was in her apartment actually cleaning her apartment. She had been quite happy these last couple of days. She was going to meet Mark for coffee and lunch today, and she didn't know why but she was excited. She hadn't been excited in a very long time and now she was. Marissa thought of Ryan and surprisingly didn't feel any guilt but then again why should she he had Natalie. Marissa looked around her apartment approvingly and felt a smile form on her lips. Marissa walked towards her closet thinking of what to wear it was quite cold seeing it was December. She grabbed her dark blue skinny jeans a sweater that looked nice on her and her flats. She took a quick shower and got dressed, applied a little bit of blush on her beautiful cheeks and some lip gloss on her pink lips.

Marissa looked at her self one last time she smiled at herself and then saw the picture that she had stuck on the mirror. She looked at the picture and a sad smile came across her delicate face. She put her finger on his face they were so happy, the photo was taken at Summer and Seth's place, Ryan and she didn't know it was taken. Ryan just kissed her and she smiled in their kiss and Summer just caught that moment.

Marissa felt a tear move down her face and fall on her shirt. Maybe going out with Mark wasn't such a good idea maybe she wasn't ready yet, maybe if she waited she and Ryan would get back together, but then again maybe if she didn't she would loose Ryan and never see Mark again she would know that she didn't put herself out there. Marissa wiped the tear away and took her purse in one hand she looked back at the photo and just walked away.

Ryan was getting ready to go to Seth and Summer's in the evening. He was going to have dinner with them and Marissa. He didn't know if Marissa would come. Ryan had wanted to tell her in person he wanted her to know that he had broken up with Natalie for her, but then he learned about her date with Mark. He knew it would be a bad idea if he told her she would simply say okay and move on with her life. He had hurt her too bad and he knew it, he never meant to hurt her, he just wanted to move on, just wanted to be happy or at least try. He didn't even know she'd come back so soon if he knew he would've never gone out with Natalie. Ryan didn't even know why he went out with her in the first place sure she was nice and smart but she was nothing compared to Marissa. She didn't wake him up at 5 O'clock in the morning to watch the sunrise with him. She didn't kiss his ear lobe when he was pretending to be sleeping; she didn't leave him notes on the mirror when he was taking a shower and she also never made crazy pictures with his Polo rote camera and write a text on them.

Ryan let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding he walked to his closet and got out his jeans, a blue sweater. He got dressed and walked to his night stand he opened his drawer and saw Marissa smiling up at him. He smiled when he saw her face and looked at the crazy face she was making while laughing. He put the photo back in the drawer and closed it. He did this to himself he could've broken up with Natalie the minute Marissa was standing on his doorstep wanting to tell him something, but he didn't because he didn't want to hurt Natalie he didn't want to be that kind of guy. He choose Natalie over Marissa; over the love of his life; over his soul mate. He was far worse then that guy, whenever he kissed Natalie he pretended it to be Marissa, whenever they made love no whenever they had sex he didn't make love to Natalie he had sex with Natalie he pretended it to be Marissa. He couldn't believe how stupid he was why he didn't just choose her.

Ryan walked out of his house trying to forget every mistake he had ever made he didn't want to be reminded of her she was moving on she really was moving on. And she deserved it they were just not meant to be together. The thing that was so stupid was that he had waited 5 years for her to wake up he never looked at other girls and felt something he never once wanted to be with another girl he just waited for her but when she left he couldn't wait any longer because she really choose to leave that was her decision, yes he had supported her in that choice but it still was hers. So he thought she was walking from him as stupid as it was he did think it, because everyone always did so why wouldn't she?

Ryan entered the little coffee shop and ordered a coffee he needed some alone time some time to think and reflect on what he needed to do next. The waitress gave him his coffee and smiled at him he gave her smile back and stared out of the window. Thinking back at the happy moments and the sad moments he had with Marissa.

Marissa walked into the new coffee shop with Mark. She walked to the cashier and ordered two coffees and two bagels. She turned around to Mark again and laughed at something he was telling her, something or more someone caught her eye. Ryan. He was sitting at a table all alone staring out into space.

Marissa: I'm sorry Mark I just need to say hello to a …

Marissa didn't know what to call him she could say someone I know, an ex, a friend. If she told Mark that she was going to see her ex she would share a little too much information. So she decided to stick with friend.

Marissa: a friend.

Mark: Okay sure I'll get us our seats.

Marissa smiled at him and walked away.

She tabbed Ryan on his shoulder and when he turned around to look at the one that was tabbing him he smiled instantly.

Marissa: Hey Ry…

Marissa kicked her self mentally for calling him by his pet-name. He smiled at her and got up to hug her.

Ryan: Hey Riss.

**there's still a little bit of your taste**

**in my mouth**

**there's still a little bit of you laced**

**with my doubt**

**it's still a little hard to say**

**..what's going on?**

Ryan could feel himself smile when he held her in her arms it felt so good to hug her again just to feel her lock her arms around his neck and to feel how she fit perfectly into his body. Marissa smiled too when she felt his strong arms wrap around her tiny waist. She loved the way he smelled she could smell the cologne she loved so much and she loved the way his hair brushed along her cheek.

**there's still a little bit of your ghost**

**your weakness**

**there's still a little bit of your face**

**I haven't kissed**

**you step a little closer each day**

**and I can't say what's going on**

Marissa released herself from the hug and could feel Ryan remove his hands around her waist and when he did she couldn't help but feel saddened and empty. Ryan and Marissa looked at one another nervously. Marissa couldn't help but notice that Ryan looked extremely gorgeous a little tired maybe but still very beautiful. Ryan looked at Marissa and she looked very stunning. They both saw each other staring and laughed a little tensely.

**stones taught me to fly**

**love, it taught me to lie**

**life, it taught me to die**

**so it's not hard to fall**

**when you float like a cannonball**

Ryan: So how are you?

Marissa: I'm good…I'm good.

Ryan: You seem good. I didn't know you came to this coffee shop.

Marissa: I didn't, I didn't even know it existed but uhm I'm here with Mark.

Marissa knew she had to explain who Mark was, but what was she supposed to say he's my date no she couldn't say that she didn't know what she was supposed to say. What do you say? When you're ex is standing in front of you and you forget the man who you're having a 'friendly cup of coffee' with what do you say?

**there's still a little bit of your song**

**in my ear**

**there's still a little bit of your words**

**I long to hear**

**you step a little closer to me**

**so close that I can't see what's going on…**

Ryan saw Marissa shift uncomfortably from feet to feet he smiled at her and looked at Mark that was waiting for Marissa to return.

Ryan: So you're here with Mark…

Marissa: Yeah…

Things were getting more and more uncomfortable with every second. Ryan rubbed his neck and Marissa was anxiously rubbing her hands together. They both saw each other's nervous twitches.

Marissa: So uhm how are things with you and Natalie?

Ryan: They're not…not anymore.

Marissa: Oh.

Marissa looked down and if she thought things couldn't get anymore awkward Mark walked up to them. Marissa could see Ryan's eyes become a cloud of anger.

Mark smiled politely and put out his hand. Ryan shook it immediately not wanting to put Marissa in a more uncomfortable position.

Mark: Hi I'm Mark and even though I love drinking coffee alone I kind of felt weird sitting at that table alone with two bagels and two coffees.

Marissa: Oh I'm sorry Mark.

Ryan: Hi Mark it's nice to meet you I'm Ryan, but actually I need to go you know for the baby shower/dinner.

Marissa: For Summer and Seth right?

Ryan: Yeah and if I don't show up Sum will have a full hormonal rage black out on me.

Ryan and Marissa laugh already seeing Summer in front of them with her hands on her hip her eye brow raised and her eyes glaring at them. Mark looks at Ryan and Marissa quizzically. Marissa stops laughing and looks at Mark.

Marissa: Oh uhm Summer is our best friend she's the girl I was with in LA and Seth is our best friend too and he's also Ryan's brother.

Mark: Okay…

Ryan: Well I really need to go.

Marissa: Okay so I'll see you tonight?

Ryan: Yeah.

Marissa: Okay.

Marissa hugs Ryan again but this time he quickly pulls away he then shakes Mark's hand and walks away. Marissa follows him walk away and smiles sadly she then looks back at Mark who smiles at her.

Mark: So Ryan seems nice. How long have you known him?

Marissa: He is great and I've known him since I was sixteen so that's 8 years.

Mark: Wow! So are you two good friends?

Marissa: Yes we are.

Marissa looks at Mark and notices that he has absolutely no idea that Ryan is an ex and that he has always been the love of her life but then again how could he.

Mark: Well are we going to drink the coffee I thought the entire reason we came her was to drink a friendly cup of coffee and I swear to god that coffee cup is so not friendly when I'm alone with it!

Marissa laughed at Mark and smacked him playfully across his chest and with that they both walked away.

**and stones, taught me to fly**

**love, it taught me to lie**

**life taught me to die**

**so it's not hard to fall**

**when you float like a cannon..**

**stones taught me to fly**

**love; it taught me to cry**

**so come on courage**

**teach me to be shy**

**cause it's not hard to fall**

**and I don't want to scare her**

**it's not hard to fall**

**and I don't want to lose**

**it's not hard to grow**

**when you know that you just…don't know**

Ryan looked at the two from outside and saw how much Marissa was laughing. He smiled and turned around, even though his mind told him to go back to her and tell her how much he loved his heart told him to let her be happy drama free let her laugh, because that was what love really was about.

Because love is a decision not an emotion or feeling, that if made from the heart will outlast anything...

**I hope you liked it!!! It took me quite a while to write it. The song I used is Cannonball by Damien Rice it really is a beautiful song you should listen to it. Anyways review please!! Love Noor**


	17. The Messages

**Thanks a lot for your reviews and I know you're not that big of a fan of Mark and just bear with me I understand that you want Ryan and Marissa right now especially after the season we true R/M have had…but it will come in due time. Anyways here it goes! Love Noor**

Chapter 17: The messages

Marissa sat in Mark's living room they had been spending a lot of time together and Marissa really started to like him. He was fun and outgoing not the person she normally would fall for but she was beginning really like him. She looked around the room and felt a chill go through her body she locked her arms around herself trying to warm herself up. Mark showed up in the doorway and laughed slightly when he saw her shudder.

Mark: You know you should really dress a little warmer. The summer is over we're in the middle of December.

Marissa laughed slightly and looked at him she then looked back at herself she was wearing a tank top.

Marissa: Yeah I know.

Mark gave her, her coffee and sat opposite of her not even doing anything about the fact she was cold. Marissa got up and walked to her oversized purse she got a grey hoodie out of it and her heart skipped a beat when she noticed who's it was. Marissa hadn't even known she had kept his hoodie and now she had brought it with here without even knowing it.

Marissa walked back to the living room and sat back down. Mark looked at her and couldn't help but laugh, the hoodie was too big but it still looked amazing on her.

Marissa: What?

Mark: Nothing you just look cute in your oversized hoodie.

Marissa: Why thank you.

Marissa stared into her coffee she saw Mark watch her and she felt really uncomfortable. Marissa looked him in the eye and no longer wanted to stay in his house everything could happen here. He could kiss her and she didn't know if she was ready for that yet.

Marissa: You know what we should go to the movies.

Mark: Uhm okay…

Mark got up as did Marissa and they both got what they needed and walked out of the house.

Summer was walking through the mall frantically her big belly was making it hard to walk fast but she just couldn't sit at home anymore. Doing nothing she was due in a week and the doctor still said it was okay for her to do all the stuff she loved to do but just to a limit.

Ryan: Summer I just don't understand why I have to come with you?

Ryan walked behind Summer 6 bags in hands. He was whining the entire time and Summer laughed every time he began.

Ryan: Why didn't you ask Marissa or Seth he's your husband you know.

Summer: Because they were both occupied.

Ryan: Well I was occupied too!

Summer laughed and walked back to Ryan she nudge him in his side and he smiled at her. Ryan never thought Summer and he would be getting along but ever since the accident Ryan and Summer talked a lot with each other and they really knew a lot about each other.

Summer: Yeah I know you were Ryan but Cohen had this case he had to work on.

Ryan: Uhu well I have a new project I need to work on.

Summer: Really…well you can tell me all about it now!

Ryan shook his head while laughing Summer stood face to face with him waiting for him to continue. Her facial expression soon turned into a frown and she looked at Ryan.

Summer: Call Cohen now…

Ryan looked confused what did she mean with that he furred his eyebrows in confusion.

Ryan: And tell him…

Summer: That my water just broke all over your shoes.

Ryan looked down and saw her water did indeed just break he looked back up at Summer and didn't know what to do it was as if he was glued to the spot this was not what he thought was going to happen. Summer took his hand immediately when she felt a contraction start. She held her other hand on her stomach and screamed in pain.

Ryan: Oh my god…

Summer was in the middle of her contraction and looked at Ryan and when she saw how scared he looked her eyes softened.

Summer: Ryan…hospital.

Ryan: Oh right!

Summer held Ryan and he held her while she was trying to keep her composure and not pass out. Contractions really did hurt. Ryan saw his range rover and let out a breath of relief. He opened the passenger side and helped Summer in the car. He threw the bags in the bag seat. He then ran to the other side and got in.

Ryan: Okay so Seth…where is he when you need him!

Summer: Ow…ow…ow…ow!!!

Ryan: Are you okay?

Summer: Uhu…really…good…my husband…is working…and I'm here…with his…scared brother who doesn't know what to do!

Ryan: Sarcasm huh?

Summer couldn't help but smiled and Ryan smiled at her.

Summer: Can't help it, it rubs off.

Ryan dialled Seth's phone number in he heard a loud beep, he sighed and grew more frantic with the second.

Ryan: Seth it's Ryan you better come to the hospital soon, because your wife is in labour and if she rage blackouts on me you better know that someone will kill you! And by someone I mean me!

Summer held he handle of the door and looked at Ryan.

Summer: Not picking up?

Ryan: No…

Summer: God that is so typical of Cohen! Try Coop!

Ryan: I'll call her when we're there okay.

Summer: Yeah okay.

Summer held the handle of the door again and also grabbed Ryan's arm. She dug her nails in his skin instead of screeching out of pain Ryan just looked at her in shock. She was having another contraction and Ryan didn't know what to do. Where was Seth where you needed him he was prepared for this.

Summer lay on her hospital bed and Ryan was in the hallway trying to get a hold of Marissa and Seth, but neither of them was picking up. Summer's dr. came into the room and greeted her.

Dr. Bassey: Hello Summer it's good to finally see you.

Summer: Hi dr. Bassey.

Dr. Bassey: How long are you contraction apart?

Summer: About every 15 minutes.

Dr. Bassey: Okay well you're only 1 ½ cm dilated.

Summer got another contraction and this one was a painful one she screamed out in pain and it was as if Ryan was back to being Ryan because when he heard her scream he ran back into the room and stood next to Summer holding her hand.

Ryan: Are you okay?!

Summer: Yeah it was just a contraction.

Dr. Bassey: Oh Mrs. Cohen isn't Mr. Cohen here?

Summer: No we've tried to reach him but he isn't picking up this is Ryan he's my brother in law.

Dr. Bassey smiled at Ryan and he returned one. She then turned her attention back to Summer and told her she would check in on her later.

Seth was just walked back from his meeting with a divorced couple they were hiring him to represent their child who had stolen some stuff just to get some attention from his parents 'you're always fighting and I didn't know what to do anymore I only wanted for you to listen to me…I'm sorry' the kid had said and Seth felt his heart shutter when he did. He shook the thought out of his mind and hoped his child would have every attention it needed. Seth sat back in his office chair and when he looked at his desk he saw his office phone flicking a red light on an off. He took a closer look at it 6 messages it displayed. Seth scrunched his nose in confusion, he listened to the first message and his heart skipped a beat when he heard a frantic Ryan telling him that Summer was in labour. Seth immediately skipped to the last message and it was Ryan telling him Summer was now already 5 cm's dilated.

Seth jumped up from his seat he ran out of his office and burst into his colleague's.

Seth: Bruce cover all of my meetings for today I need to go!

Bruce: Wait man where are you going?

Seth: My wife's in labour Bruce!!!!

Bruce: OH!! GOOD LUCK DUDE!!!

And with that Seth ran out of the office as fast as his legs could carry him he ran to the parking lot not even trying to take a breath. He started the car and you could hear a loud screech coming from the tires and with that he was off driving way above speed limit, but he couldn't care less his wife was in labour. Summer was in labour and soon enough they would have a child.

Marissa walked out of the theatre with a half sleeping Mark next to her. She laughed when she saw him and nudged him in the side with her elbow.

Mark: That was so boring woman!

Marissa: It was not that boring! I love that movie!

Marissa got her phone out of her purse and turned it on she heard a beep and immediately opened it only to see she had 4 messages Marissa listened to the first 'Hey Riss it's Ryan uhm…Summer's going into labour and we just reached the hospital I can't get a hold of Seth I'm the only one here please when you hear this come! She's freaking out and I don't know what to do! I'll see yah soon bye!' he said.

Marissa's eyes were wide open and she ran to the parking lot without an explanation to Mark he stood there for a few seconds and then ran after her.

Mark: Marissa!!!

Marissa: Mark drive me to the hospital right now! Summer's gone into labour…I can't miss her giving birth.

Mark didn't say anything else and just drove Marissa off.

_I can't miss her giving birth I already missed her wedding I can't miss this too. We were supposed to witness any and everything and I just can't miss it! _

Ryan was sitting in a chair next to Summer's bed reading a magazine her contractions were 10 minutes apart and she was 5 ½ cm dilated. Summer looked up at the ceiling and couldn't help but wonder where everyone was. The only one that was here was Ryan. He had called the Cohen's and they were on their way and he called Neil and Julie and they were coming too. But where was Seth and where was Marissa? The three most important people in her life should be here and now there only was one. Summer felt a contraction coming it didn't hurt a lot but she still cried she was so scared that they weren't going to be here in time. Ryan looked at Summer the entire time he pretended to be reading but he wasn't he moved a little bit closer and held her hand he squeezed it lightly 'Things will be okay they will both be here in time' he said with a reassuring tone. Summer smiled at him she didn't know why Ryan knew what she was thinking but what he said had really helped her. Seth and Marissa were both going to be on time Seth was her husband and Marissa was her best friend they were going to witness the most important things in life…Marissa was going to see her niece/nephew being born and Seth would see his child being born…weren't they?

**Okay so that was it…I hope you liked it! Love Noor**


	18. The old habits 1

**Hey guys here is another post…I know I kept you in suspense with the entire Seth being on time thing and I have to say I loved it! Lol thanks for all your reviews!!! Loved them seriously they are the things that keep me going! After I've seen The Cold Turkey I was so depressed I didn't know if I had ever cried so much for just one episode! Seriously though it's worth watching I'll stop rambling now and just give you your post!!! Thanks again! Love yah all Noor!!**

Chapter 18: The old-habits. (part 1)

Ryan was sitting next to Summer she still wasn't ready to push he shifted uncomfortably in his chair Seth should've been here by now. He knew right…he did get the million messages Ryan send him. Ryan looked at Summer who was silently crying his heart broke when he saw her. She really wanted her family to be here and now he was the only one who was here. Ryan and also Summer's head shot up when the door opened. The both waited with smiles on their faces, the smile soon faded when the doctor came into Summer's hospital room. Dr. Bassey gave Summer and Ryan a sad smile, telling them Seth and Marissa still hadn't showed up. Dr. Bassey checked on Summer again and when she was finished she smiled at her.

Dr. Bassey: Well Summer it's time you can start pushing.

Summer looked at Dr. Bassey with udder shock. _No it's too early I can't start already Cohen isn't here yet. Cohen has to be here. And so does Marissa this is the most important thing in our lives they can't miss it! I need them! I need my family, Ryan is the only one of the family that's here. _Summer snapped herself out of her thoughts and started to cry…again. She looked at Dr. Bassey with panic written all over her face. She then looked at Ryan who was standing next to her helplessly he didn't know what to do.

Summer: No I can't my husband isn't here…Seth needs to be here…I need Seth.

Ryan looked at Summer and had never seen her this week before what was he supposed to do. He couldn't deal with this right now.

Dr. Bassey: Summer I really need you to push now.

Summer shook her head rapidly, more tears were cascading her beautiful cheeks. She looked at Ryan as if to ask him to help her to tell the dr. she wasn't going to push. Dr. Bassey also looked at Ryan as if to ask him the same thing Summer was asking him, she needed to push otherwise she could give her baby damage and not to mention her self. Ryan looked between the two and he had to do something.

Ryan took a step forward to the bed and held Summer's hand in his. She looked up at him tears were still streaming down her face she knew what he was about to say and she just couldn't handle it.

Ryan: Sum…you have to push, okay everything will be okay. Seth will still be here on time. Everything will be okay as long as you push.

Summer looked into Ryan's eyes his blue irises pierced into her brown ones. She looked weak and she felt weak and scared.

Summer: Promise?

Ryan: I promise.

Ryan kissed the top of her head and held her hand tight.

Dr. Bassey: Okay Summer come on…1,2,3 push.

Summer: Aaaarghhh.

Dr. Bassey had instructed Ryan to sit behind Summer so she could lean against his chest. It was going to be a painful delivery and this is what they did with painful deliveries. When woman sat up a little it was less painful.

Seth ran out of the parking lot. He was so anxious and scared what if he was too late, Summer would never forgive him and he would never forgive himself. Seth heard someone call his name but didn't look back at who it was. He had to get to his wife fast!!!

Marissa jumped out of the car when she saw Seth running she told Mark to park the car and come look for her when he was done. She saw Seth run through the parking lot and was happy she wasn't the only one that had just found out. If Seth was here Summer wouldn't have been gone it to labour yet…would she?

Marissa: SETH!!!

Marissa noticed Seth didn't turn around, but instead just kept running. Shit she thought were they both late? Marissa ran towards Seth and saw him run to the receptionist. He asked her out of breath where Summer Cohen was she told him where she was and that she was already going into labour. Marissa saw the colour from Seth's face drain she could make that out from a distance. Seth soon regained his composure and ran towards the elevator. Marissa was starting to get tired. She ran into a nurse and apologized quickly before running towards the elevator which had almost closed. She pushed her body into the closing doors and just got in in time.

Marissa: Gee Seth! I've been calling your name the entire time!

Seth was pushing on the button that said 3rd floor, Marissa was talking to him and he could make out that she was the one that was calling his name so he just shrugged his shoulders and looked down again.

Seth: Yeah sorry…

Marissa looked at Seth and immediately felt bad she put a supportive hand on his shoulder, Seth had never been this serious but he was now which meant he probably needed someone to say everything was okay and that they were still in time although Marissa didn't know if they were in time she knew that Seth needed to hear her say it. So she locked her arm around his shoulder and held him close. Seth and her had never been close but when it came to it they were actually good friends.

Marissa: No problem, were still in time you know. Summer would never plop that baby out of her without you. She's probably had a rage blackout on the dr.

Seth looked at Marissa and smiled thankfully. He still wasn't so sure of the case. He still didn't know if she had delivered the baby yet, but it felt good that Marissa reassured him. He felt an immediate connection to Marissa that he had never felt before. He had always just seen her as the best friend of the love of his life and his brother's girlfriend, and that made them friends. Now he could honestly say him and Marissa were best friends. 'Ding' the elevator's ring indicated that they were on the 3rd floor. Seth and Marissa jumped out of it without saying another word. Seth searched the room numbers for Summer's number and Marissa followed him.

Meanwhile Summer was getting more and more exhausted with every push. Ryan held both of her hands and tried to say things to help her through this. He was starting to get worried…really worried. Where was Seth nothing happened to him right? And where was Marissa? She would never want to miss the delivery of her best friend. Summer put her head back down on Ryan's chest and couldn't take it anymore this was too tiring. She could feel herself drift off into a sleeping mode.

Ryan: Summer come on! You're doing good.

Summer: NO RYAN I CAN'T I NEED SETH!!!!

Ryan: I know Sum but he's not here right now! He'll come as soon as possible.

Dr. Bassey: Come on Summer you need to continue we still have a long way to go.

Summer: I can't…

Ryan: Summer look at me…

Summer looked at Ryan and he saw the tears that were mixed with her sweat he stroked her hand with his thumb.

Ryan: Seth loves you and he'll come as soon as possible. He wouldn't want you to give up he would be disappointed in you. You're Little Miss Vixen don't forget that you can do this.

Dr. Bassey smiled not knowing what he was talking about but she still liked the bond they had, they seemed as if they were brother and sister. Summer smiled at Ryan and nodded her head. He kissed the top of her head and then something caught his eye in the doorway.

Seth: I think I have never heard you talk so much.

Summer: COHEN!!!

Ryan immediately moved away from Summer so that Seth could take his place. Seth moved as fast as he could and held both of Summer's hands he kissed her on her lips and smiled, she smiled back at him and let tears of joy flow down her face. Ryan held Seth's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Ryan: Yeah well I like to save it for when it counts.

Ryan gave Summer a kiss on her head again and backed away.

Marissa was still standing in the doorway she had heard Ryan's words and she couldn't help but miss him so much. He was…perfect. Not only to her he was just perfect! Marissa walked into the delivery room and kissed Summer on her cheek Summer squalled with eagerness. Marissa smiled through her tears and so did Summer.

Marissa: Summm! You're going to have a baby!

Summer: I know Coop!!! I'm so glad you guys are here!!

Marissa: Me too I wouldn't want to miss it in the world. You're both going to be parents!

Seth: We know Coop we know!!!

Seth smiled at Marissa and Marissa smiled back Summer looked at Seth and leaned back into his chest. Dr. Bassey instructed Summer when she had to push and when she had to breathe.

Ryan was looking at his brother and wife, he was leaning against a wall and Marissa was standing just a few inches in front of him. He couldn't help but miss her. He knew she was happy with Mark but he really wanted her to be happy with him. Marissa looked at her two best friends and smiled she lend back into someone and immediately felt the comfort and safety she was looking for for so long. Ryan looked at Marissa who was now leaning against him he thought she was just caught up in the moment and would snap out of it any time, but fortunately she didn't she just leaned her head against his chest and Ryan locked his arms around her waist. She put her arms around his and his hands. Seth looked over at Marissa and Ryan and smiled happily. He then looked back at his wife who had to make one final push before he could see his child.

Dr. Bassey: Congratulations it's a girl.

Seth could feel his own tears sting in his eyes and he just let them go not caring if anyone would see he was a dad…he was a daddy to this beautiful baby girl.

Summer: Cohen we have a girl!!!

Seth: I know Sum I know!!

A nurse cleaned up baby Cohen and wrapped her in a light pink little blanket she put on a light pink coif. She rocked her back and forth and handed her to the father. Seth held his daughter in his arms and smiled proudly. He kissed the top of her head and she fell a sleep in his arms. Summer looked at Seth and was so happy. This was her family now her husband and her daughter…oh and the love birds that were standing against a wall.

Summer: Hey share!

Seth smiled at Summer and handed her their daughter. Summer held her daughter and felt a rush of new feelings go through her happy feelings.

Summer: She's beautiful.

Seth: Yeah she is.

Ryan and Marissa were brought back to reality when the baby started crying again. They walked over to the bed.

Ryan: Hey I want to hold her I did help bring her to the world.

Summer: Yeah I haven't thanked you for that yet, so…Thanks Ryan.

Ryan: No problem...just give me my niece.

Ryan smiled at Summer and then at Seth and then at his crying niece who soon stopped when she was in Ryan's arms. Ryan smiled at the baby and stroked her cheek lightly with his thumb. She opened her big brown eyes and looked at Ryan. Marissa was standing next to him with a hand on his back she didn't even know it was there.

Marissa: She really is beautiful.

Ryan: Yeah…yeah.

Seth looked at them and smiled then he looked at Summer he kissed her on her lips.

Summer: I love you Cohen.

Seth: And I love you.

Summer: So the name…

Seth: Yeah I was thinking of Elektra or maybe Superwoman.

Summer: Uhu nice try Cohen.

Both Ryan and Marissa laughed at Seth's attempt to give his daughter a name that had a connection with a comic.

Seth: No but seriously though I was thinking of Eillis…

Summer: Eillis I love it…we can call her Elly for short.

Seth: Yeah so Eillis Marissa Cohen.

Marissa head shot up when she heard her name and the tears immediately flew along her delicate cheeks.

Marissa: Wh..what?

Seth: Well you're her aunt and we like your name a lot so…

Marissa walked over to Seth and hugged him really tight he was shocked at first but soon enough put his arms around her and stroked her along her back. She then kissed Summer and then her niece who was still comfortably in Ryan's arms.

**Okay so this was a super long post I didn't know it was going to be this long so I decided to break this one in half the second post is almost finished and if I get some reviews it should be up tonight. Let me know what you think! Love Noor**


	19. The old habits 2

**Okay so here it goes the second part I hope you'll enjoy it! Let me know! Love Noor! Oh and I shall warn you all there will be a slightly little tiny twist…**

Chapter 18: The old-habits (part 2)

The nurse had taken 'Baby Cohen' aka Eillis Marissa Cohen to the other babies. Summer and Seth had already seen Kirsten, Sandy, Neil and Julie and they had all seen Eillis. They had been so proud and so happy. Summer was now really tired and just wanted to rest. Seth was also very sleepy so he just lay down next to her and both of them fell a sleep within minutes. Marissa was standing next to Ryan looking at all the beautiful babies but one in particular caught her eye. A little baby named Baby Cohen. She loved her already was that weird? That she loved her best friend's baby so much. It was not weird right it was just caring and sweet. She saw how proud Ryan was looking at Eillis and couldn't help but smile.

Ryan: She really looks amazing.

Marissa: Yeah she really does.

**We'll do it all **

**Everything **

**On our own **

**We don't need **

**Anything **

**Or anyone**

Marissa put her hand on Ryan's shoulder not really knowing why but just wanting his comfort. He looked down at her just put his head on top of hers. Marissa wanted to feel closer to him she had missed him and she hadn't held him for over 3 months now and she just missed him. She locked her arm around his waist and Ryan locked his arms around her back and through her other arm. They just stood there in each other's embrace quietly watching the babies.

**If I lay here **

**If I just lay here **

**Would you lie with me and just forget the world? **

**I don't quite know **

**How to say **

**How I feel**

Marissa thought of every mistake she had made. She couldn't help stop the tears that were escaping her eyes in a hasty. She held onto Ryan even tighter. She had made so many mistakes she had hurt him so much, she was shocked that he even wanted to talk to her after everything she had done. While she was in France she kept thinking off every little thing that had gone wrong and the reason it always went wrong was her. She had been the one that caused all of their problems. So being with him right now confused her, she wanted to say everything she thought and felt but she knew she couldn't it was too late. So if being with him as a friend was all she could have she was going to settle for it because she didn't want to loose him not again. And that's why she cried because the realizations struck her again, friends…maybe they weren't just friends while they were in high school but she was going to be now. She was going to do everything in her power to keep him in her life.

**Those three words **

**I said too much **

**They're not enough **

**If I lay here **

**If I just lay here **

**Would you lie with me and just forget the world?**

Ryan felt the wet cold spot that was now forming on his chest. He knew Marissa was crying but didn't dear to say anything he didn't even know what to say if he was going to say something. He held her close not knowing what else to do. He then kissed her temple and rubbed his hand up and down her arm. He hoped he was shooting her he never knew if he was helping her…he never knew if he was doing the right thing…he just never knew with her. He was always left in the dark, when she was crying he never knew why, when she was happy he never knew why, when she was mad he never knew why…it frustrated him, he hated himself for not knowing what to do. Maybe that was their problem he never knew how to help her so maybe that was the reason they drifted apart. If he had tried to talk to her more maybe they would still be together. If he would've…done a lot of things differently then just maybe nothing ever happened to her and they would both be happy together, but that's not the way things went. Not with Ryan Atwood everything had to be complicated everything had to be hard. When Marissa first woke up he was so happy, they were happy…well if happy meant that they didn't talk about the past and just continued to live their lives together then yes they were happy extremely happy…until the day she said she was leaving then a bomb dropped in front of him and it was like boom back to being Ryan Atwood.

**Forget what we're told **

**Before we get too old **

**Show me a garden that's bursting into life **

Marissa looked up at Ryan but he was in another zone. She smiled sadly they could've been living together happy and care free, but of course not, that was never going to happen they were Ryan and Marissa and everyone knew Ryan and Marissa couldn't live happy and care free. Marissa shook her head. Of course they could live happy and care free but that did mean talk to one another. Tell each other what they're feeling being honest with each other. It meant putting everything in the relationship you had not be afraid to show emotions. Put yourself out there and say it just out loud…just tell him. Marissa again laughed bitterly that was not going to happen there was a slight chance that was going to happen because they were Ryan and Marissa after all they hide their emotions.

**Let's waste time **

**Chasing cars **

**Around our heads **

**I need your grace **

**To remind me **

**To find my own**

Ryan looked at Marissa and then back up again. Why couldn't he just tell her how he felt? Why couldn't he move past his pride and tell her let it all out. Show her how he really felt, show her the real Ryan. He knew why and he was admitting it, he had never felt so much love for someone except Marissa Cooper. He was afraid that if he put himself out there he was going to get hurt. He didn't want to get hurt not again. So that was his answer he wouldn't tell her because he didn't want to get hurt. That's it he was going to give up the love of his life because he didn't want to suffer a heart break.

**If I lay here **

**If I just lay here **

**Would you lie with me and just forget the world? **

**Forget what we're told **

**Before we get too old **

**Show me a garden that's bursting into life**

Marissa wondered what Ryan was thinking, she had never been able to make out what he was thinking at some point she was but that was a very long time ago and that only lasted for a little while. Marissa kicked herself mentally for everything she had done. She was such a failure.

Mark walked through the hall and finally spotted her. She was leaning against someone he didn't know who it was but it definitely got him confused. He stopped a few feet away from them. He recognized the man that was standing next to her the muscular and slightly taller man. Ryan. Mark shrugged the thought off and decided to say something.

Mark: Hey…

Ryan and Marissa were brought out of their trance when they heard a voice. Ryan closed his eyes in frustration and Marissa wiped her eyes. She turned her head so she could see Mark. Ryan was still facing all the babies and intended to keep it that way.

Marissa: Hey…

Mark: I've been looking everywhere for you…

Marissa: You have sorry…I was…

Mark: Oh no problem…I just wanted to ask you if I could drive you home.

Marissa: Yeah sure thanks.

Mark: Okay...

Marissa turned so that she and Ryan were facing each other. She looked him directly in his ocean blue eyes and felt her knees go weak. Those eyes. She dreamed of those eyes and longed for them for so long. They were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen and she was sure they were the most beautiful eyes she was ever going to see.

**All that I am **

**All that I ever was **

**Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see**

Marissa wanted to hold him so badly, but knew she couldn't it would only make things more awkward between them. She had blown her chance.

Marissa: So I uhm…

Ryan: Yeah…

Marissa hugged him and he patted her on the back. They looked at each other and Ryan couldn't help but want her, but she was with Mark now. He seemed like a good guy he would not hurt her…not as he had hurt her. Mark was the better guy. Ryan kept reminding himself that over and over again, but it did not stop the wanting ness. This was the moment where he had to do it as much as it pained him he had to do it.

Ryan: Goodbye Marissa…

Marissa looked at Ryan and saw something change in his eyes he was sad…that was the first time she could make out what he was thinking or feeling and he was sad. Confusion rushed through Marissa's body.

**I don't know where **

**Confused about how as well **

**Just know that these things will never change for us at all**

Marissa: Uhm bye…I'll see you tomorrow.

And with that she walked away. Why was he saying this, he seemed so distant towards the end. Mark was already walking away and Marissa followed him until it struck her…he was saying goodbye…they were over…he was walking away…he was drawing a line…building a wall…he was moving on…they were over…but they couldn't be right? They were Ryan and Marissa they were combustible. They were star crossed lovers destined to be together. Marissa looked back at Ryan and he gave her a sad small smile. Marissa had tears in her eyes and kept looking at him.

**If I lay here **

**If I just lay here **

**Would you lie with me and just forget the world?**

**Okay so depressive…yeah you could say so, I guess I also let you think other things but then again you know how I love to give you all surprises…so yeah that was twisty let me know what you think! Song I used is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol I was writing this while listening to that and it fits perfectly with the post or so I think…it's really worth listening to! Let me know what you think! Love Noor!!!**


	20. One Minute

**Hey guys thanks for all the reviews here is a new chapter I hope you'll like it! I had a little trouble with watching the O.C. after Marissa's death but now I'm liking it again, I mean it's still very weird without Marissa but I'm not angry anymore I'm actually giving it a shot and I think everyone should and if you don't like it after you gave it a shot then you'll at least know that you tried…I'll stop rambling now so here's your post…Right you need to keep CLOSE NOTICE to the time, so you don't get confused. Here it goes…**

**Chapter 19: One minute.**

23.02

Ryan lay in his bed wide awake, just as usual not being able to sleep, tired that was for sure but every time he closed his eyes he saw her walking away with tears filling her eyes. He couldn't sleep couldn't eat and couldn't think every time he did think he'd go over everything that went wrong in their relationship and every single time he pointed his finger at himself.

23.03

Ryan sighed and rubbed his hand over his troubled, tired face.

'Two weeks…two weeks' Ryan said softly to himself. Two weeks since he had hold her in his arms, two weeks since they had been that close, two weeks since he built a wall around himself, two weeks since he said goodbye and two weeks since she walked away with tears in her eyes, tears that he caused. Ryan let out another sigh he had been holding for over a minute. Looking through his dark room he didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't know if he meant it when he said goodbye. Was he ready to say goodbye to Marissa…was he ready to let her go and move on?

23.15

Ryan was still thinking about his questions and the answers to his questions the only difference was that he was sitting in his car, his car was parked in front of the apartment he feared to go into. The apartment that would force him to answer any and all of his questions the apartment that belonged to her. The apartment where she lived in…she being his ex-girlfriend Marissa. Ryan looked at it and the light in the living room and kitchen were both on. He could go in there now and tell her what he had been thinking about for 3 months. But the question was, was it worth it and if so would it even matter now. Ryan didn't know and he didn't know if he wanted to know. He had let her go in the first place, because he knew she would have wanted this. She had been dreaming of being a model ever since she was little and he wasn't going to stop her dream from becoming reality only because he loved her too much to let her go. He knew they weren't over, he knew they weren't over then because he had the simple excuse that she lived in Paris and he lived in Newport and it just couldn't have worked. Now they were both living in Newport and if it didn't work now he didn't have any excuses he couldn't say that the long distance thing was just too hard. Now he had everything here and he could make it work, but what if it didn't work. That's why Ryan didn't know if he wanted to know, if it didn't work out now he didn't know what else to do. Were they really meant to be together?

23.25

Another sigh left Ryan's lips while he opened the door of his car. Were they meant to be together?

'Only one way to find out' Ryan said to himself. While locking his car, this was it he had the courage to talk to her. He didn't know what to say yet, but he was sure the words would come when he was facing her when she gave him a reassuring but also confused smile. When she would lock her beautiful green blue eyes with his deep blue ones, when she would step aside to let him in and their shoulder's would brush against each other. When she would look down at her feet because she was insecure. He was sure that then the words would come.

23.02

Marissa was standing in her apartment looking out of her window, she was thinking of that night, that night that had left so many unanswered questions linger in her head. The night that she feared the most the night where she was sure he said goodbye and immediately built a wall around himself. Marissa let out a sob and wiped the tears away, he couldn't see her cry if he saw her cry he would ask questions or worse wipe them away for her and only one person could do that to make her feel better, but that person had said goodbye.

23.03

'So what will it be…Mission Impossible 3 or Edison?' he said while sitting down on the couch. He felt comfortable here; it was good to be here. He saw her stand there deep in thoughts, thoughts that he was beginning to wonder about. Thoughts that he wanted her to share with him, but a little voice in his head said that was never going to happen.

23.04

'Isn't Edison with Justin Timberlake and Morgan Freeman? And Mission Impossible with Tommie Cruse?' she asked trying to let him know she was still paying attention to what he had asked.

'Yep…so?' He asked walking towards her kitchen to make them some food. Marissa followed Mark into her kitchen and smiled when she saw how comfortable he was she really wanted him to be comfortable in her house and it was a relief that he was she sat on her counter and smiled a divine smile at him. He shivered slightly when he saw her smile she had the most beautiful smile and he could feel his knees go weak for a second.

23.06

'Then Mission Impossible definitely!' She said while getting of the counter. What she didn't notice was that Mark was just turning around with their drinks and before she or he could even react the coke was all over them.

'Shit!' Mark cursed while Marissa screeched at the feeling of the cold cola on her.

'Sorry…I didn't see you' he said and began to apologize sincerely.

'It's okay…it's okay.' She said reassuringly. 'Go take a shower, there are some big pj's in my closet, but be quick I want to have a shower too.'

'Thanks and sorry again' he said.

23.25

'Finally jeez I had a shower of less then 3 minutes and you nearly take 3 hours.' He said while laughing slightly.

'Sorry I got carried away the water was just so warm.' she said while rubbing her hair dry with a towel. She only had a big shirt on and shorts underneath, and Mark had to swallow the lump that was somehow caught in his throat when he saw her. Mark towards the kitchen to get the popcorn while Marissa put the dvd in her dvd player.

23.27

'This is it' he said and with that he knocked two times loud enough for her to hear it but not that loud that it seemed he was impatient. He waited his blood pressure was not in control anymore and his heart was beating a lot faster then he thought it would be. 'Stop it Atwood she's just Marissa' he told himself.

Marissa heard the knocking on her door and looked at the clock nearly midnight who would come to her this late. Marissa walked over to the door and when she opened it her breath was stuck in her throat and she didn't know what to say anymore. She just stared at him in shock. The man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with was standing in front of her with a simple light blue t-shirt and his dark blue jeans and his all too famous grey hoodie. Ryan.

23.31

Okay so his strategy obviously didn't work, he had been standing in front of her for nearly 5 minutes and he had not said a word. She had given him a reassuring smile and their eyes had locked, but the words didn't come not when she looked this beautiful not when she just had had a shower and she was wearing a little short with an oversized not when her hear was still dripping wet and she was absolutely stunning. He hadn't prepared himself for this and now the words didn't come but it was too late now.

'Hey' Ryan said taking the safe road by just greeting her the way he always did with his half smile and his famous hey.

'Hi' Marissa said she didn't know why but she started to feel very uncomfortable maybe it was because Mark was in the kitchen making their popcorn and Ryan was standing in front of her the very sexy, sweet, caring, sexy, loveable, protective and did she mention sexy yet Ryan.

23.34

'So I wanted to talk to you the other night when I said those things I just wanted you to know that I didn't…' Ryan started but was caught off by another voice another voice belonging to a male.

'Hey Rissa how do you work this microwave?' Mark asked oblivious to Ryan standing at the door.

Ryan suddenly felt very dizzy, that was Mark in there in her kitchen at eleven thirty in the evening. And Marissa was standing in front of him her hair dripping wet and only a large sized shirt and a short covering her body. Ryan felt like an idiot and immediately started to walk away.

23.35

'Ryan…'Marissa said not really knowing what he was thinking but she was sure it wasn't good.

'No sorry I shouldn't have come…I need to go.' Ryan said and with that he walked back to his Range Rover as fast as he could. Not once looking back to see a rather confused Marissa standing in her doorway. 'But Ryan…'

**Okay so that was it I hope you liked it…let me know by reviewing!' Love yah all Noor!**


	21. The Chrismukkah trip down memory lane

**Hey everyone thanks for the reviews I really did love them and I know I know, you're all wondering about Ryan and Marissa but you don't have to wonder too long anymore…so sorry I haven't posted in a while and kind of disappeared from the boards, but life has been so stressful, with finishing school projects and memorizing every single word in my textbooks for my tests before winter break starts…I just really didn't have the time to write a chapter…or anything for that matter. Anyways I wanted this to start after a few chapters but I can't do it any longer. So I'll jump into the future for a few months. Again very sorry for the wait…I hope it was worth it. Leave me a review! Love Noor! 'btw RJ we seriously need to talk'**

Chapter 21: The Chrismukkah trip down memory lane!

The tree lit the room beautifully; the mixture of red and white lights shone on everyone's faces illuminating their radiant smiles even more. The glow on their faces became bigger and their teeth had a weird colour while they smiled with their mouth open. Throwing away the paper, on the already big pile of paper on the floor.

Marissa beamed as she took the present Ryan had gotten her, she looked at him and smiled, a necklace she had been eyeing the entire year was now in her hands. It truly was beautiful, it was a long silver necklace with a blue tear formed diamond, she hadn't bought it because she thought it was too expensive, even though she had all the money it was a necklace and she couldn't buy such a beautiful necklace for herself, but Ryan had…he had bought it for her, and had obviously listened to her when she had told him how much she loved it. She looked at him and their eyes locked immediately sending fire sparks through the living room. She got up and hugged him with all her might moving her lips up to his ear and telling him thanks very huskily, and again she felt the electricity shock through her body. He hugged her back and let his head rest on her shoulder. He felt the goose bumps when her lips lightly touched his ear, and her hot breath tickled it teasingly.

Ryan smiled back as he saw how happy Marissa was with her present he had gotten her. While hugging her he saw Mark return from the bathroom and smiled at him, he pulled away but not before he memorized her odour one last time.

Marissa immediately felt an empty feeling hit her, the minute Ryan pulled away from her, she was trying to memorize every little feature of him and almost had it but he pulled away too soon. She smiled a weak smile at him and then walked back to her spot on the floor where she sat next to Summer who was cradling Eillis in her delicate slim arms. Marissa smiled as she sat back down and also couldn't help but notice how good Summer looked, she had her petit figure back, but the glow on her face was still there and it looked beautiful on her. Then again Marissa thought Summer is beautiful.

Seth had been looking between Ryan and Marissa and again he couldn't help but smile when they hugged each other. The minute Marissa walked over to Ryan he had opened his arms before she even reached him and when he looked at Marissa he could've sworn that he saw her jogging slightly. Her smile had become even bigger when she locked her arms around his neck and Ryan had let out a sigh of he didn't know what it was but it seemed to be longing ness. Seth could not beat the bush any longer they were both in love and it was obvious. Mark had come back and Seth cursed him physically for coming back as he saw his brother's face fall and even Marissa's the minute he stepped away from their loving embrace.

Summer looked up from Eillis and to Marissa raising an eye brow at her, she was a little busy with Eillis but she still saw the 'very friendly' embrace between her best friends. Marissa shrugged at Summer and Summer shook her head while smiling. Marissa looked at Mark and she couldn't help but feel guilty…but why she hadn't done anything wrong…or had she. They had been dating for 6 months now and never had gone further then kissing…they almost went a little further one time but Marissa had stopped him. She remembered every minute of it vividly.

Mark and Marissa stumbled into her apartment kissing each other hungrily, greedily. Mark was a little surprised by Marissa's forcefulness, but did nothing to stop it. He tried to turn the hunger and the greed in something else he tried to kiss her slowly, tried to show his love for her.

Marissa knew what he was doing and didn't want to feel the slow kiss of Mark it would only make her feel guilty only remind her of the fact that she didn't feel the same thing. So she shoved him against her wall forcefully yet again and didn't stop the hunger, she knew that if she stopped now she would not want to continue.

While Mark picked her up by her a.ss she didn't feel the spark and wanting ness she always felt with a special someone, she didn't feel her knees go weak and she didn't feel the goose bumps on her body, she just felt numb.

Mark shed of her clothes in a fast record and then stripped himself off, and Marissa did not notice his gorgeous, tanned body. She did not notice his shy smile that was stuck on his face, she did not notice the way he looked at her, with pure love. She only noticed one thing, the thing that made her stop dead in her tracks, she noticed that were not his eyes. They weren't the deep blue ocean eyes she longed for at that moment.

Mark moved closer to Marissa and kissed her gently, he looked deep into her eyes, and she waited for something a spark anything but all she got was regret. He looked at her and brought up the courage to ask her.

'Are you sure you want to do this?' He asked sincerely and waited for her answer, when she didn't say anything but just looked down he brought his finger up to her chin and moved it up so she was looking at him. But what he saw was not something he wanted to see, her face was strained with tears and she let out a sob.

'I'm sorry Mark I can't…' she said while taking her clothes and walking towards her bedroom where she changed into a pyjama and sat down on her bed while taking out the one thing she always did…a picture of him and him alone. He didn't know the picture had been taken, he was sitting on a bench waiting for someone, a little smile on his face while he waited his hair was like it was when he was sixteen and with the little smile on his face, and his thoughts thinking of her, the picture was taken by her, by Marissa before she made her way over to him. And until today Ryan still didn't know that picture was taken, and that Marissa took it with her everywhere and even slept with it under her pillow or clinging to it when she missed him so much the pain made it hard for her to even breath.

And just like some other nights this pain resurfaced, she lay under her sheets the picture clutched in her hands, and she would silently cry herself to sleep. She didn't know why it hurt so much, and why she couldn't do anything about it, so she just did the best she could.

'Marissa?'

Marissa looked up and saw the concerned gazes she was getting from everyone and she couldn't help but see the most worried one and it belonged to Ryan. She got out of her daydream and focused on everything and everyone in the room.

'Coop are you okay honey you look a little pale.' Summer said in a motherly yet best friend-esque voice.

Marissa couldn't help but let out a small smile when she heard her friends worried yet motherly tone. She nodded solemnly and shrugged the memory out of her head, but how hard she shook and how hard she tried it wouldn't go away. Marissa looked out at the window and saw the rain drops that were now set on the window, it was pouring outside and she couldn't help but feel nature was trying to tell her something.

Ryan kept his gaze on Marissa, he saw the way she was looking at everything and everyone and also saw how her stare soon locked on the window, or maybe she was just looking at something outside and when she did, he was the only one that noticed a silent tear made its way down her face. She didn't do anything to stop it, and she really didn't have to seeing as it was just one tear. Ryan could feel his heart crack when this happened. He thought back at the last couple of months and sighed again.

Everything had been perfect the last couple of months, except for the fact that Marissa was with Mark but he and her had been hanging out a lot lately just the two of them. Having lunch dates, movie nights, cooking…attempts, shopping sprees and it was great their bond had been growing strong; he still remembered the day they just went to walk a little. The little walk turned into a very long one and at the end both were exhausted.

Ryan Atwood Cohen and Marissa Cooper were walking along the shore line both had left their shoes in his car seeing as they were at the beach and really didn't need their shoes. Everything was perfect the weather was a little cold for Newport and there were just two or three surfers in the water. The cold wind blew through their hairs and through every single gap it could find, making both Ryan and Marissa shiver slightly. Fortunately that didn't stop them from their walk.

They had been spending the entire time making small talk enjoying each other's company sometimes teasing each other. All in all it had been the most relaxing day for both of them that entire week. Marissa was having some problems with Mark she found him too clingy sometimes and he found Marissa too distant, those issues let to little fights some making Marissa that mad that she would again end up in her bed with a picture in her hand, the now very worn down picture.

Ryan had been debating the idea if he even wanted to be friends with Marissa, he really didn't like the idea that she was dating Mark he seemed like a descent guy and that made it so much more harder, but he knew that he loved Marissa, he loved her more then he would love anyone, he didn't even know if he would love anyone this much, and that's why he knew he had to keep her in his life and maybe they couldn't be together as a real couple but they could at least be friends, or try to be friends, and it had been working out for them. So Ryan had put aside his pride, and became friends with Marissa.

Ryan also came back out of his own little dream world, out of the memory he shared with Marissa and only her. The day they had spent together and the day he knew that no matter what he had to keep her in his life even if it meant that he would be unhappy for the rest of his life, simply because she was Marissa Cooper. And although it pained him more then anything he knew she wasn't his Marissa Cooper anymore and that was his own fault because he had let her go.

Summer watched the two star crossed lovers, she herself loved so much, she then put a hand on Marissa's back just to let her know she knew what she was feeling, and just letting her know she had her support. Also Summer was in her own little world, the day she saw what she had been hoping to see but was still so shocked she had seen it.

The evening had been going smoothly the minute Kim and Mark came in everything remained the way they had been. Summer couldn't believe her ears when Marissa and Ryan announced Kim and Mark were coming to eat dinner with them. Mark as in being Marissa's boyfriend and Kim being his sister who both got invited by Ryan. Ryan; the silent brooding bad boy who always wanted peace and quiet.

As the time passed by the empty boxes stayed open and empty on the table, making Ryan see his escape and got up to clean the table. But as soon as he did Marissa did too, and if things couldn't get anymore awkward they both reached for the same box, their hands touched and both of them blushed. 'Sorry' they said at the same time, smiling and picking up the rest. Summer watched them carefully as they got up.

Summer told everyone she had to pee and handed Eillis over to Seth. She saw Marissa walk away with some boxes as did Ryan. Ryan and Marissa were now standing in the kitchen and Marissa was throwing away the boxes while Ryan put some of the silverware in his dishwasher. Marissa was done and sat on the counter waiting for Ryan to finish too. He closed the dishwasher and saw Marissa sit on the counter waiting for him feeling his insides do flip flops he smiled at her unable to say anything, because she looked stunning. All the while Summer was watching them carefully and eaves dropping while she hid herself behind one of Ryan's tall walls.

'So I wanted to thank you again, for inviting Mark and Kim and even letting me stay…' Summer heard Marissa say, but before Ryan was going to interrupt her with an of course or a no problem. She continued. '…I know this is weird and awkward, and I don't know how you must feel right now, but I like to think I know you a little bit, and after the silent treatment you gave everyone I'm thinking that you want us to go so you can have some time for yourself.' Summer saw the blush that had taken over Marissa's delicate cheeks and smiled slightly.

Ryan just smiled at her and let out a sigh he was now standing in front of her, their eyes locked for the millionth time that day again making shivers go through their bodies. 'Ryan I just really want to thank you and I don't want things to be awkward with us…' Marissa said out loud, making Ryan raise his eyebrow in surprise and making her blush. Summer too raised her eyebrow at this she smiled again. 'Wow Coop is really direct.' She said quietly to herself.

'I don't want things to be awkward either…' Ryan said he held out his hand to help her off, the counter and when she slipped of their bodies were just inches away from touching. She could feel his breathing upon her face and he could feel her vanilla scent so strongly. They stared at each other for what seemed like eternity, and they both had to do everything in their power to not kiss each other.

'Oh my god…' Summer said quietly as she watched them, was this the part where she walked away. She did attempt to walk away but she couldn't and her eyes grew even more wide when she saw Marissa lean into Ryan ready to kiss him but he pulled his head back making her blush in embarrassment and making her look down, while he just let out a sigh, a sigh he didn't know he was holding. Taking her hand in his he walked through his kitchen and into the living room, forgetting the fact that he was holding her hand until he saw Kim's puzzled look, he released it immediately and went back to sit next to Seth.

Summer took again another deep breath but somehow she couldn't regain her composure. 'What just happened?' Summer asked herself again she had a feeling she was going to hyperventilate. 'Breathe Sum just breathe.' She said to herself again. Summer walked back into the living room and saw the blush that was still very obvious on both Ryan and Marissa's face. She sat in between Ryan and Seth and looked at Ryan again, while he just gave her puzzled look, to deep in his own thoughts to get caught up with what she was trying to tell him with just her look.

Later that evening Summer was going to make some tea and coffee for everyone and Kim decided to help. They were both in the kitchen making some coffee and tea while, both were quiet deep in their own thoughts. Kim couldn't understand what was going on and neither could Summer. They were finished and Kim told Summer she had to go to the loo and when she did she turned around one more time locking eyes with Summer while she did so.

'They're not just friends…they're a lot more.' Kim said and walked away. Leaving Summer stand in the kitchen flabbergasted, unable to move for the second time that evening. Summer didn't like the situation she was in it was way too awkward. 'Crap' she muttered to again no one in particular but herself.

Things were getting more awkward every minute. Marissa had a feeling Mark was going to do something and she didn't know if she was going to like it. The time passed by rather quickly all the presents had been opened. Food had been served and eaten, and two movies had been watched in silence.

Now Seth made his way to the DVD player for the last movie before everyone would return to their respectful homes, he took a quick glimpse at the window and noticed the storm had picked its pace and was getting rougher every second. 'Thank Jesus and Moses I'm home another Chrismukkah miracle' Seth thought to himself.

'Wait Seth I want to give Marissa my present now.' Mark said and got a puzzled look from everyone including Marissa. Mark smiled nervously. Seth murmured a quick 'okay' and sat down on the couch next to Summer. Marissa was sitting on the floor and Ryan just came out of the kitchen after getting himself a cup of coffee. He looked curiously at everyone especially at Mark who was shifting from foot to foot nervously.

'So I really hadn't planned doing this here and now, but looking at you I just couldn't keep it in much longer and I know these are the most important people in your life so I want them to be here while I'm going to do this.' Mark let out a nervous breath and Marissa just looked at him quizzically. 'Marissa I know we've only been dating for 6 months and I know this might be really soon, but I love you Marissa Cooper and I want to spend my life with you.' Mark said while getting down on one knee in front of Marissa.

Marissa looked at him with complete horror. This couldn't be happening, she was going to wake up soon and realise this was all a nightmare, or maybe she was just day dreaming, she pinched herself and closed her eyes briefly but when she opened them everything was the same. Marissa was so nauseous she definitely thought she might throw up.

Summer held Seth's arm and pinched it as hard as she could, this couldn't be happening, this was not happening. Seth didn't even feel the pain Summer was giving him, he was equally as shocked and his mouth suddenly felt really dry, he kept staring at the situation that was unfolding itself in front of him. He did however look at Ryan quickly and wished he hadn't because what he saw was something that he wished he hadn't seen.

Ryan was leaning back on the table the coffee cup was also back on the table and he felt his entire world slip away, he tried to look away and tried to close his eyes but he couldn't it was all real, this was really happening. So he kept looking at the love of his life who he was sure he was about to lose, he kept staring at everything wide eyed with hurt and shock.

'Marissa Cooper will you marry me' Mark asked and Marissa looked at Mark with a lot of fear. She couldn't come up with the words, and she couldn't help hold the tears back that had been forming in her eyes, she moved her gaze from Mark to Ryan.

Ryan and Marissa locked eyes, Marissa's eyes looked guilty and pained, and Ryan's were filled with hurt. She kept looking at him and suddenly every little thing that once happened between them good or bad but mostly good flushed before in a very quick movie, she saw everything she had shared with Ryan her first kiss with him, first real fight with her mother, first time she actually made love and didn't just have sex.

Ryan closed his eyes briefly and started to walk away, towards the door. Yes he wanted to keep her in his life but not like this, he couldn't be just friends with her not when she was getting married, not when every little chance they had would be thrown out of the window. So he walked away, and wished he had done so a lot sooner.

Mark had been looking between Ryan and Marissa and suddenly everything clicked, the time they had their conversation he had finally known what she was talking about The time she said that she had already met her 'One' and he had been so oblivious and thought it was him and hadn't picked up on the sadness in her voice when she had said so. Mark kicked himself physically for being so stupid and oblivious. He had not been a complete idiot though he knew Ryan and Marissa had something, but just didn't want to believe it himself. He didn't want to believe it because he really loved her; she was the one he loved.

Marissa looked at Mark and suddenly felt extremely guilty, she couldn't do this but she also couldn't do the other thing…or could she? She looked at him and wanted to hit herself right there and then or just wanted to pass out and die. This was so painful but she couldn't do this to him or to her.

'Mark…I..I..I can't…I'm so sorry but I can't.' she said while putting her head in her hands. Mark shook his head and had to keep the tears at bay while they threatened to fall.

Both Summer and Seth didn't dear to say something, so again they just kept silent and looked at the now two very distraught people, and suddenly the room wasn't filled with radiant smiles and beautiful glows, suddenly the tree with red and white Christmas lights wasn't illuminating very happy people.

'I'm sorry Mark, but I love Ryan…and I know this is unfair to you…but I…' Mark stopped Marissa from talking and put his hand on her face; he watched her and smiled a sad smile at her.

'Then go tell him that Marissa…you two belong together and I just realized it now.' Mark said while getting up and walking away, he went through Summer and Seth's backdoor and walked the way back to his house. Not looking back.

Marissa quickly got up and ran through the front door she thought it had been hours but it really only had been minutes and when she opened up the door, she saw Ryan at the end of the driveway. She didn't care that the rain was pouring down on her and she wasn't wearing more then her dark skinny jeans and a sweater, she wasn't even wearing shoes.

'Ryan wait…' Marissa yelled, he had heard her but just kept walking, she kept repeating his name a couple of times and after the fifth time he turned to her.

'What does it matter, Marissa…' Ryan said coldly he looked at her and she looked back her tears now mending with the rain.

'So this is it we're over?' Marissa asked not believing it, Ryan shook his head yes.

'Yeah we're over…' he said while walking away.

Summer and Seth were now standing in their doorway watching the two of them, and could faintly hear them.

'Well I'm not ready for this to be over.' Marissa practically yelled.

When Ryan turned around he was met with a running Marissa, she scooped into his arms and he instinctively held her close to him their lips met in a loving kiss, a very passionate kiss. Marissa cupped Ryan's head with both her hands and was bending her head down slightly as she kissed him, she pushed her tongue through his mouth and their tongues danced in an embrace of love and passion they had been holding for each other for so long.

Marissa broke apart she looked at Ryan and he let her stand he looked at her confused, why had she just kissed him.

'I'm not marrying Mark, Ryan…I love you and only you.' Marissa said shyly yet confident.

Ryan still looked quizzically at her, was did what she really wanted. Or was she just fooling him and was about to tell him that she was going to marry Mark.

'Let's just start over.' Said Marissa she remembered the day when she said the same line perfectly. She put out her hand and said 'Hi I'm Marissa Cooper.'

Ryan looked at her hand and fortunately for both of them he took it and said 'I'm Ryan Atwood Cohen.'

'Wow that's a long name.' Marissa said while smiling and before she knew it Ryan's lips met hers again, it was not with tongue this time just a simple yet very passionate kiss with so much feeling neither of them could describe, but their kiss did and the feeling that was most overwhelming was the feeling of love.

So there they were Ryan and Marissa standing on the bottom of a driveway kissing after such a long time on Chrismukkah, both soaking wet and neither cared.

Ryan broke apart only momentarily to say something. 'Now this really is a Chrismukkah miracle.' Ryan said smiling, Marissa laughed and put her arm around his waist while both turned around and walked back to their friends who were also in a tight embrace looking at them with pure happiness written across their faces. Ryan kissed Marissa on the side of her temple and both she and he couldn't help the smile that was on their faces. And for now Marissa didn't feel guilt all she felt was the overpowering love for Ryan…'her One'.

**You better be happy with this post it took me a lot…and I seriously mean a lot of time to write it! Let me know what you think! Love Noor!!!**


	22. Love, apologies and fights

**Hey guys an update on I'll never let you go! Yay! Thanks for the reviews enjoy! **

**Chapter 22: Love, apologies and fights.**

The last couple of months had been crazy for Ryan and Marissa, between coming out of a coma, moving to Paris, focusing on only work, coming back to Newport, an almost proposal, new girlfriend's and boyfriend's, meeting the sister, sexually charged nose grazes, an actual proposal and Chrismukkah they had still made it and they were together, finally.

Some people who knew what Ryan and Marissa had been through would say it was a clear sign that they didn't belong together; Marissa and Ryan had both thought the same thing several times when things were going crazy for them.

While driving to her now ex boyfriend's house Marissa thought of everything she and Ryan had been through and she thought the exact opposite, she and Ryan had been through so much and they were still there and every time they found their way back to each other, Marissa saw this as a great sign from the universe that she and Ryan were destined to be together, call it providence. A smile made its way on Marissa's face when she thought of Ryan it had been a few days after Chrismukkah and they had been out on dates; exactly two.

They had gone to the Diner which was Ryan's pick; they had laughed talked, they ate, laughed a little more and talked some more, their hands intertwined the entire time. After dinner Ryan had taken Marissa for a walk on the beach, they walked to the movie theatre and watched a movie not Marissa's preference as it wasn't a chick flick but it still was a very good movie, Ryan wanted some action and loved Denzel Washington as an actor so they had seen 'Déja Vu'. After the movie Ryan had brought Marissa home giving her a sweet kiss at last.

The next day Marissa had to plan the date, she had picked Ryan up early in the afternoon to go to the beach with him, he didn't argue with her and before they both knew it they were working on their tan, after a while Ryan picked Marissa up and ran with her over his shoulder to the ocean where he gracefully threw her down, making her laugh hysterically and cough too, she pulled him under with her and after the games they were full on making out, Marissa's legs locked around Ryan's waist as he held her chest to his chest tight. Soon though it was dinner time and Marissa chose not to go to a restaurant she had taken some Mexican food from the pier and told Ryan to wait for her on the beach he did as he was told. Marissa came back with a bag full off Mexican. Sitting back down on her towel, Ryan sat next to her so that they could use his towel as a table cloth. They ate, they laughed, they kissed and both again went to their respectful homes.

Knocking on Mark's door Marissa waited patiently while her mind wondered of to that special man in her life who was at his parents' house for some well needed family time.

Mark opened his door and saw Marissa stand in front of him, suddenly the smile he had put on his face vanished, he had been very understanding at Christmas, told her he knew what she needed to do and he had been strong although he just wanted to cry and be embarrassed but he never got a chance because everything was moving so fast, he had hoped he didn't have to see her again; the girl he had been feeling so strongly for.

'What do you want?' he asked her, suddenly Marissa thought that this might've been a mistake this was not the Mark she had known for quite a while now, had spend a lot of her time with, this was a very hostile Mark.

'Uhm I…uhm came to see you…' Marissa answered unsure and suddenly very insecure, she wrapped on arm around her self and stroke the other arm as if to warm herself up, the weather wasn't making her cold, it was his cold icy grey eyes that were making her feel unsure of herself and the reason she was here.

'Why? Because I proposed to you and you ran to another man who you've been in love with since…I don't know the minute you met him, or that you had every opportunity to tell me that you were still not over Ryan but you choose to lie to me?' Mark asked while he eyed Marissa, she looked good she had that glow on her face and what caught Mark's attention the most was that she had a sparkle in her eyes a lover's sparkle, one that he had never seen in her eyes.

'I just came here to apologize I guess…' Marissa said as she looked at Mark, he had never been this upset before, he had always been understanding and forgiving it made Marissa question sometimes if he was an actual human being, now though she had really hurt him and she felt terrible for him. She noticed the boxes on the ground and the pretty empty apartment, was he moving?

'Apology not accepted, have a nice life with Ryan.' He said and with that he threw the door closed in her face. He leaned back against the door and sighed while closing his eyes to push back the tears he put his head in his hands, regained his composure and continued packing, his sister was going to pick him up in an hour, meaning he had to be ready in an hour.

Marissa took a step back as the door was thrown closed in front of her face; she shook her head and let out a deep breath. Marissa turned around and started walking away not before turning back one more time and sighing one more time, she had to leave this behind her, and it was probably better this way. He would have his life and she would have hers with Ryan. Getting into her car she felt guilty for smiling but she couldn't help it thinking of Ryan always made her smile.

'Hi handsome man!' Kirsten said as she saw her sandy blond haired son walk into the kitchen, Sandy looked up from his paper and smiled when he saw his son hug his wife and kiss her cheek, he also saw something behind his back which made him smile even more.

Leaning back Ryan drew his arm back from his back and to the front he had a bouquet in his hands he handed them to Kirsten and got another kiss from her as he did so. Walking over to Sandy they hugged each other and clapped each other's backs.

'So how are you doing son, you look good.' Sandy complimented Ryan; Ryan smiled and thanked him for the compliment.

'I'm doing good, very good actually.' Ryan said as he thought of Marissa and his life everything was just the way he wanted it right now, he had a great family and was again dating the woman of his dreams.

'Sweetie, you have that spark in your eyes that spark which you only happen to have when you and Marissa are together.' Kirsten said as she joined the conversation, Sandy smiled when he heard Kirsten he would never have noticed that but then again mothers do notice more things considering love then men, or women in general.

'Well we are actually dating…we're taking things slow this time, the key word being that we're actually doing the entire dating thing.' Ryan said as he smiled.

'Aw sweetie that's amazing I'm so happy for you.' Kirsten said as she hugged him again.

'Thanks mom.' Ryan said as he hugged her back, Kirsten was not a hugger but lately she had been hugging him and Seth a lot why he had no idea.

'I'm never going back to that woman ever again!!!!!' yelled an angry Seth as he made his way to the kitchen too. All three family members looked up shocked and curious at the same time.

'Cohen do this, Cohen do that, Cohen spent time with Eillis, Cohen get your scrawny ass up here, Cohen be romantic, Cohen not now! Cohen don't forget about my rage blackouts! She never stops, I'm sick of it!' Seth sat down on the kitchen counter and sighed.

'Okay Seth what's up?' Ryan asked as he looked at Sandy and Kirsten who wanted to know the exact same thing.

'She wants some space…or whatever…and I don't even know what I did wrong.' Seth said he looked down and didn't know if it had been such a good idea to walk away while they were fighting. 'Oh and she accused me of having an affair.' He added.

'Maybe you should tell us the entire story.' Sandy said as he was as confused as he could be.

'Well I don't know we've been having these fights sometimes, well most of the time they're stupid things like the dishes or coming home a little later, or about dinner…but lately they have been increasing and the things we fight about are slightly bigger, we fight about Eillis she accuses me of having an affair…I don't know what it is, when Summer was pregnant we didn't fight when we lived together we didn't fight it is just since Eillis was born we are constantly fighting, who will feed her, change her, get up 8 times a night to try to quite her down and let her fall asleep…and she's been acting very not Summer like lately telling me I'm having an affair because she is too fat…I seriously don't know what I did wrong or what she does wrong we just fight…' Seth said.

'Okay and this all started after Eillis?' Ryan asked while he looked at his distraught brother who for once wasn't being sarcastic or ironic he was actually at a loss of things to do.

'Yes…we've barely slept in the last couple of months, Eillis keeps us up constantly and Summer doesn't know what she does wrong I don't know what I do wrong sometimes I see her try to quite Eillis down and then she breaks down too.' Seth said as he thought back at his wife and his daughter. Ryan gave Seth's arm a reassuring squeeze and Seth smiled appreciatively at Ryan.

'I think Summer is insecure about being a mother and she takes it out on you…' Kirsten said. 'I know how scared I was when I had you and suddenly everything you do is a test, if you don't do it right you'll fail everything…she's probably warn out and so are you so you fight with each other about every and anything, it's marriage and family you just need to adjust both of you.' she added and shrugged.

'Mom's right you and Sum belong together you just have to talk and really talk not yell at each other or use sarcastic comments to ease the tension because then you'll just keep everything inside, but really talk unload your soul to one another. I'd be happy to baby-sit when you'll decide to.' Ryan said and smiled at Seth. 'I'll be happy to baby-sit too!' Kirsten added with a smile and a glare at her eldest son who had been faster with proposing to baby-sit.

'Sum!?' Marissa said as she opened her front door and saw her best friend stand in front of her with her sleeping daughter and a diaper bag. Marissa took the diaper bag and Eillis out of Summer's hands she kissed Summer on her head and wiped away her tears while stepping aside so she could come in.

'I'm sorry to just come here.' Summer said while walking towards Marissa's cosy living room area. 'I just needed you…' she said.

'Of course…I'll put Eillis down in her crib, I'll be right back.' Marissa said as she made her way over to the guest bedroom which had a little crib for Eillis when she, Summer and Eillis would have a girls night in. Marissa put her down kissed her head and walked back to the living room where Summer was now seated on the sofa.

Marissa sat down next to Summer and hugged her and when she did so she cried into Marissa's shoulder, holding her tight because she needed to hold some one crying on her shoulder because she desperately needed a shoulder to cry on and what better shoulder then that of your best friend's. After several minutes of unloading Summer wiped away her tears and inhaled deeply.

'Sum what's going on?' Marissa asked concerned, Summer barely cried like this and when she did, it probably had something to do with Seth because it almost always did.

'I can't do this anymore, we're still fighting constantly and most of the time I don't even know about what, he yells, I yell, Eillis cries it's tiring and I don't know how long I can put up with it anymore.' She said while sitting back and looking at Marissa.

Marissa knew what had been going on Summer had been insecure around Seth sometimes thinking he was better then her and she never showed it because she always hit herself under her rage blackouts, and now with being insecure she was also exhausted and so was Seth, the irritations grew into fights, the battering turned into mean comments and the raised voices turned into yelling.

'Sum you guys will work it out you love each other, a marriage is not easy especially with a new born baby in the middle, you guys have never taken care of children let alone a baby, and you just have to be patient try to readjust to things, but I know this for a fact you are both great parents, talk to Seth and I mean really talk no bickering no yelling just talk and get everything of your chest.' She said, Summer smiled gratefully at Marissa and kissed her cheek.

'I accused him of having an affair…' she said.

'Summer…' Marissa said disapprovingly. 'I know I know, he's not having an affair I was just scared I guess…I didn't know what I was saying, until it left my mouth.' Summer confessed Marissa laughed slightly and shook her head.

'Oh Sum one more thing…' Marissa said and again got Summer's full attention. 'If you ever need help with Eillis and want some alone time with Seth or just a good night sleep let me know okay I mean I am her aunt and her god mother so I'd be happy to take care of her.' Marissa said, Summer smiled appreciatively at Marissa and set her head down on her shoulder while they both stared into nothingness.

Marissa didn't know much about marriages or even living with a child seeing as she never had done or had one of these things, but she did know that it took time to fully adjust to something new and patience a lot of patience. And so the two beautiful women sat on Marissa's chocolate brown sofa both thinking about two important people in their lives; their men.

**I hope you guys liked it, let me know what you think by reviewing! Love Noor!**


	23. Hoping to find that I'm one of a kind

**Hey guys I know I haven't been the best updater lately and I'm truly sorry but I am trying to work on it…as for these couple of posts I love RM and then second best for me are SS, I figured that I brought a problem into one of my stories concerning SS and I want it to stay realistic so please is it sometimes seems awfully hard to read just bear with me cause eventually I'll make it worth it. As for this post just sit back and enjoy! Love Noor! BTW the song I used is called China by Chris Holmes! Amazing song! **

**Chapter 23: Hoping to find that I'm one of a kind.**

Summer and Seth sat on opposite sides and eyed each other, there big brown eyes met each other and stayed in a lock moment that seemed to last for ever and more. A very disturbing lock moment, with lots of imprisoned emotion that was boiling to the point of flooding.

'So…' Summer stated awkwardly as she sat across from her husband, which she was forced to do by her best friend and her brother-in-law. 'Are you going to mention the elephant in the room or should I?' she asked Seth directly.

'I guess there's no escaping huh? Some casual make-up sex and everything goes back to the way it was and we never have to talk about our little fights ever again…we can go back to our bickering selves and lead a very happy bickering life?' Seth asked sarcastically normally Summer would chuckle and then hit him, but this time she just shook her head no very seriously, Seth looked at her and nodded he was also very serious.

'Seth…I do not know what's going on with me lately…and I don't know what's going on with you or us in general…but I think we need to figure it out before this thing…' she paused and looked at him, her husband whom she was in love with very much she hoped his facial expression would reassure her and tell her she was nuts and that they could deal with everything together but all he did was nod and encourage her to go on and so she did she continued. 'this thing we're living in all the fights and the nagging and the what not it's causing damage to us to our marriage to the family…' she stopped and let out a sob.

'And before it causes too much damage we need to figure out what's going on, on our own…' Seth added. Summer nodded and so did he they kept quiet for a while both listening to each other's breath, both wondering how things could have come to this point while they didn't even notice it and both wondering what to do now.

'I don't want us to get so far over our heads that we file for a divorce and then have to fight about who takes Eillis and the house until we don't talk anymore but only put up with each other for Eillis…I never want to divorce you…I love you so much and that's why I think I need to know what's going on with me and I need to deal with it alone and I think so do you….' she said while a lonely tear made its way down her cheek to her chin and dropped on her shirt.

Seth was envious of her shirt he wanted to wipe away the tear take her in his arms make a sarcastic comment for the comic relief and make her smile or laugh but he knew he couldn't she was right they both needed to deal with whatever was going on with them before it ruined their marriage or more. And so he nodded he decided that he had to be the adult and wait for his wife to figure things out he needed to figure things out himself to. 'I think I'll be staying with my brother then…' he said, he didn't mean to sound hostile but this was also hard for him and he needed to let Summer know that he too had people he could count on, but he couldn't let this end on a bad note because he couldn't loose her not his Summer…they simply were Sethummer and nothing could break them apart so he smiled at her it was a sad smile but it still was from his heart.

'I love you too Summer…and you're right…we need to deal with this…whatever this thing is…' he said and she nodded yet again words didn't come and were not needed right now either.

'Holy Mack you're acting like such an adult.' Summer said jokingly but it came out with a sob and Seth didn't laugh normally he would have but now he couldn't…this time it was certainly too soon to joke for a Cohen.

'I'll talk to you okay…and I'll get Eillis some days…' he said he thought it was weird to say it, it definitely felt like they were in a divorce, but they weren't Seth told himself they were just taking some space and time to reflect on everything. Seth got up and walked to their room to pack some stuff. He got to his room and for the first time he let out the sob he had been trying to hold…was his marriage falling apart? And if so what could he do about it and then again what had happened? He didn't know the answers and he really didn't know if he wanted them right now he was going to focus on one task and that was to get some stuff out of here to take with him to Ryan's. Seth closed his eyes and banged his head against the door once, he sighed.

**Take it all in **

**Instead of writing it down**

**Trying to find a way **

**To get out of this town**

He packed the most important stuff and then at last a photo of her the love of his life and then another one of them together and the last one of the three of them, him, Summer and Eillis.

**Searching for contact **

**Waiting on the last act**

**Binding my time **

**Because I'll never be back**

**Hoping to find **

**That I'm one of a kind**

Seth walked out of his bedroom and gave it one last look before closing it with a sigh he shook his head sadly and made his way quietly over to the nursery. He opened the door as quietly as he could and walked into the room to his sleeping daughter he kissed her head and held her tiny hand in his.

'You're just as beautiful as your mommy…I'm sorry I'm going Eillis I promise it won't be for too long just until mommy finds out what a catch I am…' he said with a sad smile on his face. Summer heard him and giggled quietly while another tear rolled down her cheek. 'I just want you to know that I'm not leaving you or your mommy…' Seth said in a more serious tone this time he continued. 'Because I want all of her because I love her it's always going to be Summer, you and me…every day…maybe not now but someday…I hope she will love me just as much as I love her…' Seth ended.

Summer had also heard his last line and again she took in a deep breath only to let it come out as a sob tears were cascading down her face…she already loved him so much. Seth kissed Eillis one more time and walked out of the nursery grabbing his bag as he did so. He walked down the stairs quietly and Summer was already sitting on the couch again watching him as he made his way to the door.

**Willing to settle **

**For some piece of mind**

**I'm going to sail to china **

**Or move to Carolina**

Seth was about to walk away but then stopped he turned around slightly and looked at her she looked at him through her tears and waited for him to say something. 'Summer I love you…and I can not think my life without you…so I'll wait for you…for however long you need me to.' He said and with that he walked away closing the door quietly behind him. Summer lay down on the couch and buried herself in a pillow crying her heart out.

**Find my self some peace**

**And take myself some time to fall**

Ryan heard the knock on his door and expected it to be Marissa but when he opened it and saw his dishevelled brother his smile quickly faded. Seth couldn't hold it any longer he had been driving this entire time to keep the tears in his eyes but now he couldn't anymore and he knew Ryan would not do anything or crack a joke or something and so he let them go, he let the tears he had been holding go…just like he had gone.

**And I'll fall and I'll fall**

**For the first pretty girl**

**And I'll give her my heart**

**And I'll make her my world**

**And we'll (dance and dance and dance...)**

Marissa came through the door with a worried expression on her face and her worried feeling was only being confirmed when she saw Summer clutching a pillow for her dear life and cry the hardest she had ever cried before. Marissa didn't say anything she just ran over to her and sat next to her holding her friend/sister while Summer let go of the pillow and replaced it with Marissa she held onto Marissa for her dear life, Marissa couldn't help but cry too when she knew in how much pain her best friend was.

**All we live and all we are**

**And all lives we're all unsure**

**All we do and all we see**

**And all we want and we need **

Ryan looked at his brother and stepped aside Seth came into his house and threw his bag on the floor and looked at Ryan while Ryan stared back at him not knowing what to do next should he hug him or just let him be, give him space or try to talk…his questions were answered when Seth turned a little and put his head in the crook of his neck and cried, Ryan held his brother tight like any brother would do and let Seth cry without saying a word.

**All we feel and all we know**

**And all we hide and all we show**

**All we take and all we give**

**And all we die and all we live**

Both the couples ended in a heap of emotions, they may not have shown them at the start of everything but the pressure was too much they couldn't take things anymore and the couple fortunately could show their emotions freely to the two people they trusted the most…their family.

**All we live and all we are**

**And all lives we're all unsure**

**All we do and all we see**

**And all we want and we need**

**All we feel and all we know**

**And all we hide and all we show**

**All we take and all we give**

**And all we die and all we live**

**Okay that was it I'm guessing you could say there was a lot of emotional struggle and drama in this chapter I'm just hoping it really meant something to you guys 'cause it was hard to write! Let me know what you think! Review please,**

**Lots of love Noor!**


	24. From flawless to blemished

**Hey guys, here is another chapter…I'm so glad you guys liked it. I appreciate your reviews so much, as you all probably know they mean a lot to me! Thanks again for them…I hope you enjoy this chapter. Song I used is called 'Love will tear us apart' by Susanna and the Magical Orchestra.**

**Chapter 24: From flawless to blemished**

Marissa lay back down his hand pushed her back down on the sheets; she smiled widely and brought her hand to his hand which was lying on her stomach. 'Oh god Ryan' she said when she felt his hands work their magic. He came back up a little while kissing her stomach and dipping his tongue in her navel. Marissa came up as well she needed to kiss him, and so she did pushing her lips in to his and taking his lips in between her teeth giving them a light squeeze she heard him moan, making her smile even more in the kiss.

Ryan held her butt in his hands, and sat her down on his lap. He kissed and caressed her chest while her hands found there way to his back squeezing it ever so lightly then moving to his short chopped hair holding his head in her delicate hands she again moaned by his touch on her body. She had missed being with him, it was their first time of making love again and she really didn't know what she had done without him all those months.

Ryan always made Marissa feel as if she was on top of the world and no one could get to her, like she was flying. They had known each other for so long and still he could make her blush by a simple comment or make her stomach do flip flops whenever she saw him. He was the one for her, and she knew that all along she just needed to be reminded of it…she needed to be reminded of the fact that she did indeed deserve him.

They could make it work this time, they were mature and they loved each other too much to let this chance pass them by. Ryan lay her down again and kissed her neck then her jaw line all the way to her mouth. Marissa closed her eyes in genuine happiness and let him take her; like he always did, to a better place…a place Marissa was sure of was heaven.

He entered here and she grasped on to him, looking into his big blue orbs she couldn't help but smile. She brought her mouth to each of his eyes and kissed each one of them, she moved to his nose and left light butterfly kisses on his face all the way to his neck. All the while they moved into a rhythm created by complete bliss.

She screamed his name in ecstasy numerous times before they both became one. They were one, their souls, bodies and most importantly their hearts collided and became one.

Summer heard her daughter's cries and couldn't sleep, she had tried to ignore it but it didn't help one bit she didn't go back to sleep. Summer couldn't exactly blame her she couldn't sleep either…she had tried to cry herself to sleep but that wasn't exactly working.

**When the routine bites hard**

**And ambitions are low**

**And resentment rides high**

**But emotions won't grow**

**And we are changing our ways**

**Taking different roads**

She got up her small frame became a shadow in her room while she walked through the slightly lit hallway which separated the nursery from the master bedroom, she walked to the nursery her legs shook while she walked, a tear escaped her eye just because of the fact Seth wasn't here right now, he always went to get Eillis and they would sleep together the three of them in the bed, Eillis would rest on Seth's chest and he would always kiss her sweetly and tell her a Atomic county story which in the end put her to sleep, and Summer would watch them both fascinated.

**Then love, love will tear us apart again**

**Love, love will tear us apart again**

Getting to her daughter's bedroom she opened it and saw her baby crying her heart out she really didn't know what was going on with her, it was probably nothing but still, she was so small and she cried so hard…it looked as if her entire world was falling apart. Her body shook with every sob that escaped her mouth.

**Why is the bedroom so cold?**

**Turned away on your side**

**Is my timing that flawed?**

**Our respect runs so dry**

**Yet there's still this appeal**

**That we've kept all our lives**

Summer walked over to her crib and locked eyes with her beautiful baby; Summer took her in her arms and held her tight while she tried to shush her she was crying a little less, but she was still crying. Summer walked away with her to her bedroom, she sat in the bed and tried to feed her she wasn't hungry so Eillis quickly dismissed her mother's breast.

**Love, love will tear us apart again**

**Love, love will tear us apart again**

'Oh Eillis baby…shhh it's okay…it's okay…' she said while kissing her temple affectionately. She held her tighter to her chest hoping her cries would subside they didn't and Summer didn't know what to do anymore she had seen if her diaper needed to be changed but her diaper was as clean as it could be. She had tried singing to her but it didn't help. 'Oh how I wish your daddy was hear right now…he would tell you all about uncle Ryan and aunt Marissa and how they met…or like daddy likes to call them…Kid Chino and Cosmo girl. How they were standing on the end of the driveway and Kid Chino tried to be this tough kid…' Summer started and suddenly noticed Eillis was no longer crying she was staring at her mother with her big brown eyes.

**Do you cry out in your sleep?**

**All my failings expose**

**Get a taste in my mouth**

**As desperation takes hold**

**Is it something so good?**

**Just can't function no more**

Eillis was soon fast asleep and so was Summer, dreaming of her husband, who she didn't know anymore…who was drifting away from her and she was drifting away from him. Both didn't know why though, and so Summer slept with these heart breaking thoughts in her mind, creating her own dreams with them and her own world.

Seth stared up at the ceiling trying to find a flaw in it, but it was absolutely flawless, he shrugged at least something was flawless he couldn't say the same about his marriage or his life in general. Here he was in one of his brother's guest bedrooms trying to sleep but finding nothing there. He was alone in the dark with only his thoughts to distract him and they were distracting him, but not in the right way.

**Do you cry out in your sleep?**

**All my failings expose**

**Get a taste in my mouth**

**As desperation takes hold**

His wife was going through some kind of depression or at least it looked it for him, why else would she be so insecure, she never had been unsure of herself before, but after the pregnancy she had been and there had been growing this huge gap between Summer and Seth and neither knew why, they just knew it was there and it was getting bigger rapidly. They tried to reach out to each other but every time they did so the one disappeared again or built a wall around themselves.

**Is it something so good?**

**Just can't function no more**

Seth closed his eyes and felt a tear make its way down his cheek, his marriage was slowly falling apart and he didn't know what to do about it. They weren't going to get a divorce but Summer probably expected him to change, he just didn't know in what he had to change and even why he had to change he hadn't done anything wrong and neither had she. Seth on the other hand wanted her to change in what he didn't know…just like she probably didn't know in what she wanted him to change. Everything was just so confusing and messy.

**When love, love will tear us apart again  
Love, love will tear us apart again  
Love, love will tear us apart again  
Love, love will tear us apart again**

He held his blanket close to his body and tried to sleep he closed his eyes and tried to block everything out everything that was going through his mind, tomorrow he could worry about everything and go over the last few months trying to find a clue to find out where it went wrong and how he got here. How his life used to be flawless and now had turned into one big flaw.

**I hope you liked it let me know what you think by reviewing to this story. Love Noor.**


	25. Complete bliss and absolute catastrophe

**Hey guys I'm glad you guys liked the previous chapter I just have to say regarding S/S it will take some time before they are all mushy and happy, it's just like any other marriage it takes work. Anyways I hope you guys will like this chapter too. Love Noor and thanks for the reviews!**

**Chapter 25: **Complete bliss and absolute catastrophe

Ryan woke up around five he couldn't get any sleep, Marissa felt him shift and turned around she placed her arms subconsciously around his muscular naked body, as if she was afraid he was going away. Ryan smiled lightly and held her close, she was very tired he knew she was very tired he could hear it, because when Marissa was utterly exhausted she would snore and he was a light sleeper so he was awake hearing her snore, such a thin delicate girl could snore like a truck on the highway.

'Riss…baby…' he tried nicely, he poked her a little but she just held him tighter to her naked chest her slim leg moved around him and she kissed his shoulder all in her sleep. Ryan closed his eyes and tried to force himself to sleep, but it wasn't working not today. He got up carefully not to wake her and placed a cushion next to her, before he left he grabbed his boxers, sweatpants and wife beater throwing everything on he kissed her head and walked out of his room.

'Seth…' he said quietly while he walked into the guest bedroom where his brother was sleeping. He stood in front of him and he too was sleeping deeply, holding the sheets tight to his body, he nudged Seth lightly but he didn't give in. 'HELLO SETH!' he yelled in a whisper, and Seth sprung to life with a shocked expression, this made Ryan smile, of all those years of waking him he finally had a chance to pay him back, and he used it well. 'Move…' he told him and Seth did as he was told while putting his head in his pillow while talking to Ryan.

'Marissa keeping you up again with her snoring…' he asked half asleep. 'Yeah…' Ryan said back quietly while closing his eyes and trying to catch up on some seriously overdue sleep.

Morning came and Marissa woke up, the sun shone through the window of her boyfriend's bedroom, she rolled over expecting his muscular body which she would kiss and he would wake up and they would make mesmerizing love to each other. While Marissa turned around she expected to see that sandy blond haired boyfriend of hers but she saw nothing, nothing at all. Her eyebrows came together in confusion and she sat up in bed, not hearing the shower running, not seeing him get up, no sign of him at all in his bedroom. She got out of bed and grabbed her panties, one of his baseball T-shirts and one of his sweatpants.

Walking downstairs she didn't hear a single thing, not the ABC news which was always on whenever he woke up or anyone in his house for that matter, it didn't smell like coffee, there was no sign he was awake. 'Ryan…' she said quietly not wanting to wake Seth in her search for Ryan. 'Ry…' she said again this time again going up the stairs.

She opened Seth's door quietly in case he was there talking to him, and when she opened it the two brothers were sleeping next to each other Ryan's back was turned to Seth's back and even though she didn't know why he had left her side to sleep with his brother it was still very nice to see. Walking over to his side she sat down on her knees and kissed his cheek lightly, he started to stir and opened his eyes and saw Marissa.

'Hey…' he said while a hand rubbed over his eyes. She smiled back at him and said a quiet 'hi'. 'What are you doing up here?' she asked still very softly seeing Seth was still sleeping.

'Oh I couldn't sleep…' he said, making Marissa look weird at him, he couldn't sleep but still he was sleeping pretty peacefully here. 'Did I kick you in my sleep…?' she asked him while sitting on the bed.

'Huh oh no…' Ryan said he really didn't want to have this conversation with her this early in the morning, he knew nothing good came out of telling your girlfriend she snores like a truck, or a train, especially not early in the morning.

'Well what then…what woke you up?' she asked again. Ryan sat up in bed and kissed her lips. 'It's no big deal…' he started and when he saw in her eyes she wasn't going to give up he sighed and smiled a little. 'It's just that you snore…' Ryan said while smiling.

'What?!? No I don't!' Marissa replied completely shocked, Ryan laughed a little and kissed her head while shaking his head yes. 'Oh yes you do like a mail truck driving through the house…but I find it adorable…' Ryan told her while he couldn't help but smile.

Marissa slapped his hand away while she shook Seth's leg, he started to stir and when he opened his eyes he was overwhelmed by the sunlight that was shining through he ducked his head under the pillow while trying to go back to sleep. 'Seth did you hear me last night?' Marissa asked while she saw him waking up.

Seth sighed and got his head out underneath the pillow while he looked at Marissa as if she was the craziest person on earth waking him for this kind of question. 'If you mean did I hear you last night scream my brother's name while you were getting an orgasm then yes I did hear you last night.' he told her with a dull voice.

Marissa's cheeks turned a crimson colour when she heard Seth she looked at Ryan who was biting his tongue and was trying so hard not to laugh. 'No not like that…do I snore?' she asked him again trying to change the uncomfortable subject they had just hit.

'Yeah you snore…it doesn't bother me my mom snores like a train…and you only snore when you're tired…' he said while closing his eyes again and really trying to sleep.

'I didn't want to hurt your feelings…' Ryan said while he too closed his eyes and tried to continue with his sleep.

Marissa got up with a sly smile on her face she took a pillow that was lying on the ground and threw it on both boys, they both got up while she smiled and laughed. She looked at Ryan and took the pillow back she hit him over and over again. 'I snore because you wore me out!' she said while laughing. Then she went to Seth's side she hit him too over and over again. 'And did you just seriously compare me with a train.' she said while smiling. Ryan took her hand in his and pulled her in bed with them and pulled her on top of him, while Seth got up and took the pillow in his hand he moved over to her and hit her with it over and over again. She screamed and laughed, while Ryan also tickled her. Seth smiled and shook his head.

'You have fun I'm going to sleep in your bed.' he said while walking away with his fluffy pillow.

Marissa sat on top of Ryan and tickled him back. 'I'm going to do more then hurt your feelings!' she said while she thought she for once was actually stronger Ryan gave her a few moments to stay in her delusion before he flipped her over and started to fake bite her everywhere, while she screamed out his name this time not in the same way she had the previous night, Ryan and Marissa were for once over come with complete bliss.

Seth had told Ryan he was going to the grocery store to get some supplies, Ryan had nodded his head and said he didn't have to but knew by the look on Seth's face he had to, he had to be distracted do something other then think about Summer, and go crazy while thinking of her and of where they stood, where their marriage was going whether or not it was falling apart, so he nodded his head and continued to kiss Marissa's neck while she was sitting on his lap. Marissa had looked at Seth who had been watching them, and who had then walked away with a worried expression she had watched him, he was not Seth this way, he was too dark and broody, but she couldn't do a lot about it…could she?

And so Seth was in the grocery store trying to get his mind of off his problem and this really was a bad idea, because now all he could think of was Summer and when they used to go grocery shopping, grocery shopping for god sakes, he was thinking of his wife while he tried to choose which cereal to bring home, or what kind of chocolate Marissa liked seeing as she was with Ryan a lot lately, he did know what kind of chocolate Summer liked, the classic chocolate with nuts, you could wake her up for chocolate if she was in her menstruation period, but that was not really what was important here, what was important was that he would actually take some descent food and not ponder over what kind of chocolate Marissa would like, because he wanted to clear his mind.

Moving from the sweets aisle to the cashier with his cart he saw her come in and his world stopped, his head was spinning, and his heart was beating a mile a minute, there she was his wife looking fabulous but still miserable, she saw him too and they locked eyes, but Seth soon broke the eye lock, he paid for all of his groceries while she didn't move she stayed there because for some reason which was beyond her she couldn't move. Summer had not expected to see him here, and she could see his red eyes from here, his face was not vigorous anymore, he always used to have such a vigorous face the kind of happy glow, even when he didn't smile he smiled, even when he didn't notice his dimples showed. But now nothing was vigorous or even remotely happy when she looked at him, he was miserable and she was too.

Seth paid for his groceries and took them in a paper bag in one arm he walked, there was only one exit and it also happened to be the entrance of the grocery store something like this would not bother him at all at a normal day, it would only bother him if it was packed up and he was running late for a meeting, or Summer was standing next to him and whining about her swollen feet when she was still pregnant, but normally he would just nod his head and make a sarcastic comment or joke about. This time and this day it bothered him for reasons he never thought it would bother him, it bothered him because some how the love of his life also happened to be his wife, his wife and he were taking a break from their marriage, and that same woman had lost the ability to walk because she was standing at the exit/entrance and he had to go through that same exit, so he could be a man and nod his head and walk away. Or he could be himself and talk to her, beg her to take him back, and make all kinds of inappropriate comments about how lonely he felt without her.

Knowing that option B was probably why she wanted a break in the first place, because she wanted him to mature he chose option A with a slight modification to it, he walked passed her but didn't nod his head in-fact he didn't even as so much bat an eyelash at her, he pretended she wasn't there. He walked almost run to Ryan's SUV got in put the paper bag down and drove away, as far away from the grocery store as he possibly could.

Summer sighed, he really hated her, and she would hate her too if she was him, or if he had told her he wanted a break she would hate him too, okay maybe she wouldn't hate him but she would definitely not be seen in public anytime soon. She knew she didn't have a choice; she did the right thing, but why was the right things always so hard, why did she have to suffer and why did he? She knew she only did what was best for them in the long run their marriage was wrecked and now they had to repair what they had broken while they didn't even know how they broke it. Besides Seth had agreed with her so she wasn't the home wrecker here, she hadn't been the one to wreck her own home…had she?

Seth came in with the same paper bag and the same groceries that had a memory for him, for the rest of his life, a memory of the time his marriage was in a rut, the paper bag presented that time in his life where his marriage was a wreck and he didn't even know if it would just be one bad memory of his happy future with his happy wife and happy daughter. He walked through the kitchen and set the bag down he looked at Ryan and Marissa who were no longer all mushy and touchy, Ryan was working on new blue prints and Marissa was reading the paper. She looked over at Ryan who had his glasses on his black glasses, she didn't even know he had them until a few weeks back and she had to admit it once again he looked breath taking and extremely handsome.

Seth walked away without saying another word, Marissa's eyes now sifted of to Seth who had not been Seth lately but who could blame him, she knew when she and Ryan were not together she had been not Marissa. Marissa got up she had already taken a shower and changed in her clothes she moved over to where Ryan was working hard and kissed him on his head, he looked up at her and smiled. 'Hey…I'm going to see Summer and then I'm going home…you should spent some time with Seth…talk to him.' She said while placing one hand on her boyfriend's face, she leaned in and their lips met in a soft embrace, their tongues entwined dancing around each other, Ryan got up and broke apart from the kiss, holding Marissa in a lover's embrace. After what seemed like forever but was not enough he again pulled away and nodded his head pecking her lips again he told her he would see her soon and call her while he walked away, ready to talk to brother again asking him if there was anything he could do to make him feel better.

He knew though there was nothing he could do to make him feel better but it couldn't hurt to try so he walked up the stairs dreading ever step he took, because the more he took the closer he came to him and he knew he had to see his lifeless face, the dullness and sadness in his eyes, he had to come face to face with his normally very chirpy brother, who had now traded places with him and had become the brooding type.

Marissa saw Ryan's anticipation while he walked up the stairs, she saw him sigh and slow down his steps she knew why, she had been over this a million times in her head Seth hadn't been Seth lately just like Summer hadn't been Summer lately, that's what angered her why two people who loved each other so much were so miserable, why they just couldn't work it out. She had been having the same problems with Ryan so many times she had stopped counting, but now it seemed as if Seth and Summer had traded places with Ryan and herself. The biggest problem was that she didn't know how to help their problem because they didn't even know what the problem was.

She shook her head and took in a deep breath bracing herself to walk out of her happy bubble with Ryan and into the real world where her best friend was slowly being torn apart by her wrecking marriage, where her boyfriend's brother was becoming someone neither of them recognized, where she didn't know how to help them, but most importantly she was going into the reality in which she didn't know how long her own bliss was going to last either.

**That was it I hope you liked it! Let me know what you thought! Love Noor!**


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